mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,    

I need you to tell me if I am wrong or right. I have been married for 7 months now. I am 27 and my hubby is 30. We both work but I expect him to cater for the bills and house keep after all that is his duty as a man. Since we got married the policy in the house, created by him, has been that I pay for the utility bills and he takes care of the rent. Personally I am not happy with the status quo. I am his wife he should be willing to provide fully in our home. What will happen when we have kids, will he ask for me to pay half the maintenance and school fees? I was brought up knowing that the man of the house pays for everything and that should be the case.

Maurice asks,

For how long did you date and while you were dating did you discuss your financial expectations of each other before you got married?

She replies,

We knew each other for 2 years before we got married. In that time we did discuss marriage but not the financial aspects because as I have said I thought it was obvious who would provide for the other.

Maurice replies,

Have you voiced your concern?

She replies,

Yes I have, it’s become a reason for us to quarrel almost every week. He says that a marriage in his view is about sharing and that what he has committed to paying far out weighs what I contribute so I should not complain. I am seriously worried for our kids if this is his attitude.

Maurice replies,

Apart from the utility bills which I am assuming is your electricity and water, do you pay for anything else?

She replies,

I only pay for those. Are you saying that my husband is right?

Maurice replies,

It’s not about right or wrong it’s about what is logical to maintain harmony within your young marriage. I believe when your husband is ready he may pay for the utility bills but are these bills worth creating a rift between you and your husband, you have only been married for 7 months, will it hurt you to continue paying for the utility bills. I’m assuming your husband is providing for you in many ways apart from financial. If so, can you concentrate at the bigger picture and work on loving each other rather than arguing over a trivial matter. However it is up to you, if you feel that you must win this battle you must also take on-bound the fact that your husband will eventually start to feel unappreciated for what he already does and whether he finally accepts your demands or not his worthiness in the marriage will wither as time goes by. Trust me; you do not want a husband who believes his only job is to provide because you will have killed everything else that attracted him to you.

She replies,

I understand what you are saying though I must ask, is it normal for your husband to avoid the topic of income?

Maurice replies,

Only the two of you can agree on disclosing that information. Not all people are comfortable disclosing what they really earn whether married or not. Again, and I urge you; please do not make finance the back bone of your marriage because over time it will hurt your marriage.

My professional opinion is that marriage is between two people who ‘hopefully’ care and love each other. A man who pays the bills is not necessarily a loving man, paying bills has never defined a real man, that is just dependent on the society you live in.

I strongly advise all couples who ‘allege’ to be committed to each other to consider that we live in hard financial times and sharing is not a crime neither does it reflect on how you feel about each other.

Mutual partnership is key to the survival of relationships today. Seek to maintain a relationship foundation that is based on your simple human ability to love and care for another human being unconditionally. If you apply that mind set first let all other things that you do for each other be a bonus.