mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I met a woman in early 2010 and begun to date her and until today she is still in my life. My main concern is that she has never shown me the level of commitment that I have shown her?

Maurice replies,

Please expound on your commitment?

He replies,

When I met her she was living between her mother’s and her sister’s place. It was not always smooth going at her sister’s due to the sister having 2 kids and a husband. I then took it upon myself to make her life easier.

Maurice asks,

How?

He replies,

I started by making sure she always had enough cash for the month so she can be more independent.

Maurice asks,

Was she not in employment?

He replies,

She had a temp job with a law firm and received a minimal allowance which was more like bus fare. It was not enough to sustain a comfortable living. I then proceeded to get her a one bedroom apartment, paid her rent which I still do and all other utility bills. Now she wants a car to run around with which is not really a big deal but she needs to show me that we are heading somewhere. I was once married for 7 years so I know women through experience.

Maurice asks,

What does she have to do to show you that she is serious in your relationship?

He replies,

I would like her to act more like my woman than a girl who has just left school. She is always wants to go out on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and with the combination of her peers there’s always an influenced out of town getaway which I end up paying for to cover her costs whether I am going or not.

I am looking for stability in my life. For some reason, in my opinion, I tend to attract playful women. I am divorced because my ex wife betrayed me with her colleague, she too loved to party, I caught them red handed and that was a painful period of my life. I love my current girlfriend and I need her to assure me that she will not put me through what my ex wife did.

Maurice replies,

So I’m assuming you have shared your past with your girlfriend?

He replies,                                           

Yes I have, when I was courting her I told her everything, no stone unturned, no surprises, she knows my history more than I know hers. I don’t expect her to open up as much as I did but I would like to see from her a certain level of maturity and interest in our future.

Maurice replies,

If I may, how old are you and how old is she?

He replies,

I am 38 and she is 23.

Maurice replies,

When did you divorce?

He replies,

In September 2009.

Maurice replies,

Not that dating women of your age bracket will guarantee commitment but have you thought about your age difference and the fact that she is going through a certain phase as you probably did when you were 23?

He replies,

Oh yes, when we met though I really liked her it was evident that our social interests were a tad different at times. I too enjoy a good time like any man would especially with a young beauty in my arms but when its too frequent it tends to tire me out.

Maurice replies,

I hear you, however that’s part of her life that you should not attempt to change, because if you do she will detach herself from you as a lover and see you more as a father figure who is trying to limit her youthful experiences. If you want to continue with your relationship then you must be prepared to tolerate some of her generational habits and trends.

What is your age difference with your ex wife?

He replies,

She is 3 years younger.

Maurice replies,

Like I said before this has nothing to do with age compatibility but the acceptance that a woman of a certain age will want to socially indulge in activities that may not suit you today, why? because you already went through that phase years ago, so it’s only logically and fair that you give her the freedom to experience life and come to some balance in time to come.

Do you believe she is faithful to you?

He replies,

At my age or rather with experience I have come to understand that loyalty is a choice one makes, to avoid hurting each other I made it very clear that we should be upfront with one another, if either of us finds that the relationship is not to their liking then we should split up before we move on to someone else.

Maurice replies,

Very wise, that makes perfect sense. What I would like to add is that instead of solely giving her a lifestyle and maintaining it as if she was your triumph, for her own freedom and social independence I would advise that you steer her towards gaining an education, an eventual career path, so that she has a strong foundation to support herself in life, tomorrow is not promised, there are no relationship guarantees and if you indeed truly love her then empower her with the wealth of education. Give her the opportunity to an empowered future, she will one day thank you for it. I wish you both the best my good man.