mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

  May I begin my story by telling you a bit about myself; I am 36 and married with no kids. I have always be a perfectionist, always a go getter and in my career I seem to have managed to achieve my targets however when it came to men I thought I could use the same formula to weed out the time wasters and those that just got under my skin.

I was in search of an equal, a man who is confident, who can be a provider and excel s in whatever he does. I have been married for 1 year 2months and I want out of this marriage. I made the biggest error of judgment.

Before my husband I was dating my ex for 6 years who without a doubt treated me like a woman but the two reasons why I could not marry him was because he was too brutally honest to the point where he would tell me things like, my dress is ugly, my perfume is too strong, a particular hair style did not suit me and he even had the nerve to tell me that I should watch my weight. He just said things that were hurtful. The other issue was that he was not ambitious enough. He was content with his post at work and I knew he could do better but despite pushing him he was neither eager nor motivated to excel. I guess he was set in his ways.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you regret leaving your former boyfriend?

She replied,

Yes I do regret my haste to find the perfect man who has just turned into my worst nightmare.

Maurice comments,

I am just pulling at straws but did you find this perceived perfect guy who is currently your husband soon after breaking up with your boyfriend?

She replied,

It was 4 months after our break up. I was heartbroken and when I met my husband he was the perfect gentleman.

Maurice says,

Let me guess. He showered you with gifts, he was profusely generous with compliments of your looks and maybe he told you how he loved your ambition and that he would support you always. Did he by any chance tell you that you would make a perfect wife and did you then get married soon after?

She relied,

Well Maurice he did paint the picture that he would be the best man for me. So in some way you are right especially with the showering of gifts and complimenting me every chance he got, plus we ate out a lot and he was the first man to fly me out of the country. I took unpaid leave at work and we spent 2 weeks at a Spanish resort, it was wonderful, I had never received such pampering from a man before. That is where he proposed and I gladly said yes. That was about 6 months after we met and now here I am very bitter, very lonely, I have a beautiful home living a life of luxury but I know my husband has cheated on me with 3 women. Over the last 8 months I have read his texts and isolated these women. I have done nothing about it because I know he is the type of man who will never change his ways. We were last intimate 4 months ago. I feel stupid to have fallen for his charm and lies, I should have known better but I guess I deserve it for leaving a relationship where I was happy and loved despite the flaws.

Maurice replies,

I have assessed what you seek and this is my profiling of your error of judgment. You crave luxury; you are in a hurry to achieve wealth and love as a package hence your unrealistic formula. There is no one formula that works. You were disappointed by your ex’s choices only because he did not find happiness in material things as you do, actually I’m sure your predicament has shown you that happiest is not found in wealth though that is not to say that we should not be ambitious. Two people who truly find happiness in each other stick it out and make the best of their relationship.

Was your ex poor, you also said he treated you like a woman, does that mean, the only difference in regards to pampering is that your husband has deeper pockets?

She replied,

No my ex was not poor and yes I admit that my husband’s ability to pamper me and provide did appeal to me when I met him. Are you saying that I should try and get my ex back?

Maurice’s replied,

My main point is that you lost a good man based on your expectations. You ignored the qualities that you can not buy. For example, the qualities you ignored were, an honest man, a man who makes you happy unconditionally. I am sure after 6 years of dating you knew he never meant to hurt you with his comments, he was just being himself, he was bold and man enough to express his opinion and trust me it was in good faith, he wanted you to look your best and at times in a relationship you must allow for your partner to criticize, not all criticism is malicious.

I believe I did not say or imply that you should go back to your ex. If it is an option then it’s up to you, he may reject or accept you back or he may have another woman in his life now. What I can advise you, is that who ever you end up with as long as you make each other happy; prioritize on sustaining that environment of happiness which will in-turn nurture an environment of love and a sense of caring for each other. That is a relationship status that no amount of wealth can buy, it’s developed by a couple who yearn for the same values in life.