mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 2 years. I love my husband very much actually we are college sweethearts and have been together for 8 years in total. We did however break up for almost a year before getting back together.

In that time we both dated other people but just never found the connection  we have with other people. Anyway it’s been two years of ups and downs and most of the downs are about my love for clubbing with my friends. It was never a problem before but a few months after we were married I noticed a change of character with him lecturing me about my night life and dressing. Maurice I am only 27, I consider myself a hot cake and I’m still young at heart and we agreed before marriage that we would never dictate or attempt to change each other. Maurice I want to remain youthful and sexy so that my husband can find me irresistible always, I know how visual you men are so I’m keeping my groove on.

Maurice’s asks,

I assume you have reminded him of your agreement, what does he say about it?

She replies,

The first thing I see in his eyes and facial expression is a sign of acknowledgement but what comes out of his mouth are words of a typical African man, telling me that married women should not be out of the house after a certain time. He keeps saying that I am shaming him in-front of his friends and family. I don’t go out with his friends or family so what is the big deal, I have not changed so why has he? I don’t monitor him when he goes on trips out of town with his friends. I give him his space, time away from me so that we can do our own thing and for me I end up missing him and we both keep in-touch texting each other, basically doing the lovey dovey thing that couples do. I don’t believe he is out there cheating on me so why does he want to trap me, control me, I can never agree to stay home and he goes out and he knows that. We really, on a very serious note, discussed our expectations once we got married. It was me who brought it up early because I have seen family members become slaves to the matrimonial life and that was never going to befall me. Maurice I love him, when he is being the man I met and dated for so long he is a great guy but this customary backward thinking that erupts when I go out is not pleasing me and it’s kind of getting old. By the way I only go out at least twice a month, most of the time if we are not out with friends we are out together and I must confess I am lucky because we actually enjoy being together. I want my marriage to work and I think this is a non issue so how do I get him to understand that I am the same woman he fell for and that I am not willing to change just to please him?

Maurice’s replies,

Unfortunately your scenario is very common amongst newly married men. I believe your husband is receiving information from his peers and possibly family members of which really he shouldn’t be taking seriously but he is. As you know society in the African culture has a way of dictating what is acceptable and what is not. The mentality of a woman’s place is in the kitchen is still with us and the only way to keep culture from ruining your relationship is for the two of you to support each other and ignore advise from external forces like friends and family. It is easier said than done but that is the only realistic formula that limits conflicts with couples.

Now this is what you do; sit your husband down and in a very calm and loving way list the following in form of questions where he has no option but to say ‘yes’. Ask him if he finds you sexy? Then ask him if he finds you as sexy as he did when he first laid his eyes on you? Proceed to the next question which is also a statement and ask him, is he a visual being who is visually aroused by your sexy dress sense? If he is a wise man who values you for you he will undoubtedly answer ‘yes’ to the above questions at which point you will conclude with your last question. If you change your personality and your style of dressing and at some point you no longer consider yourself attractive will he be happy with you feeling un-sexy and miserable as his wife?

Again a wise caring man who wants to keep harmony in his relationship will agree with your line of questioning and at that juncture you should immediately commence to sooth his ego with how much you appreciate him and how much you love him and that you just want to lead the same life style you did before you got married. In your own feminine way make him understand that you are his for life and that is why you never question or doubt him when he goes out without you. Marriage should be a show of exclusivity to each other not a state of imprisonment accompanied by a string of rules.

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Dear Maurice,

I have been seeing this girl for 2 years now. I have given her everything she has desired and needed, I have maintain a great lifestyle for her and this is what I get in return. Before I met her she was not rolling in the kind of car she drives today neither did she live in the kind of hood I live in.

Maurice asks,

So what did she do that’s got you in a knot, and how old are you both?

He replies,

I am 26 and she is 22. Can you believe she’s tripping on me?

Maurice says,

Please expound on her nature of ‘tripping’ which basically means she is most likely dogging on you, you see I do lingo too.

He replies,

Maurice stop playing, I am losing a lot of investment spent on her over the 2 years. I can’t prove it but I heard from my close dogs that she’s been seen driving around and clubbing with this particular guy we let into our click early last year.

Maurice asks,

Do you always use ‘slang’ in all your written work?

He replies,

Oh, its a habit I picked up in the States I was over there for 5 years.

Maurice asks,

And what is it you do for a living if you don’t mind me asking, you see I need to create a base line to ascertain the root cause of your current situation, you feel on that one?

He replies,

I hear you dog. I run part of my father’s business but I would rather keep that private is that cool.

Maurice replies,

oh yah we cool. So this guy you speak of, considering you got to know him last early year and I have a feeling you roll a lot with him would say he was your friend?

He replies,

I thought he was a hommie but now he’s hitting on my girl and trying to take over. Maurice what would you do?

Maurice replies,

Mate I’ve literally never been in your predicament so I would be lying, I guess I would be pissed off but I would ask my girl and find out if the guy is hitting on her.You only have your friends word to go on, you need more than just hearsay. First find out whats really going on then take it from there. If you are a good read of facial hesitation when you ask your girlfriend a question you will quickly know whether there’s anything to it.

He replies,

I can’t ask her because she’ll think I love her too much then she’ll start to disrespect me as a man. Real men don’t ask their women they go straight to the man and ask him face to face and settle the matter there and then.

Maurice asks,

So why have you bothered to write to me?

He replies,

I read your shit so I thought I would ask for your opinion.

Maurice comments,

It’s the first time my work has been called shit but I understand you ‘dog’. I need to ask you if you care or love the girl in question because since our dialogue begun I have not felt any feelings you have for her. It’s like your stone cold about relationship feelings. How did you guys meet by the way?

He replies,

No doubt, I have feelings for her and she knows it so I have no idea why she would do me like this? We meet through my cousin and we hit it off.

Maurice says,

Forgive me but I must ask, and I’m only speculating but I would appreciate the truth. Do you mean you took her from your cousin, you courted her away from him, if I’m wrong I apologise for the insinuation, so?

He replies,

How did you know, do you know who I am?

Maurice replies,

Mate, I read between the lines and over the many many years I have this knack for recognising scenarios. I can’t tell how but yours is text book scenario. The way you expressed yourself from the beginning was a dead give away. Do you really want to hear my opinion of this matter.

He replies,

Shoot.

Maurice replies,

Two years ago you set your eyes on a woman the obstacle was she was not yours to have but you played your cards right and she fell for the bait, I’m assuming she’s materialistic hence why she hooked up with you. If you ask me you probably did your cousin a favour however that said, even if you are the kind of  men that get there ego kicks from chatting up ‘taken’ women there’s always a rule, a boundary. In this case family is ‘out of bounds’ but that meant nothing to you. I tag you as a childish hit and run kind of guy but what took place was, you ‘hit it’ and the sweetness, plus I’m sure she’s a looker, kept you in checkmate which if you have played the game of Chess means ultimately ‘game over’. My good man you have been played at your own game, you know it and I know it.

Your girlfriend was a result of a mission conquest and she has been a trophy girlfriend for the last 2 years. Women are not stupid, they have instincts that we men ‘lack’ and once she reads your game she will out play you. Whatever you have spent on her, that was out of choice no one told you to be so generous so just log it down as a bad debt. Mate, you took from another man and sure she came willingly with no regard for your cousin, it never hit you that she might one day turn the tables on you?

He replies,

Dude you are the most upfront dog I have ever met, I respect that but if you told me that to my face it would be on. But we cool. I get what you are saying but I’m not going down without a fight.

Maurice replies,

Correction, we haven’t met but I hear you ‘dog’. Have a great 2012 and avoid other people women and on a very polite note don’t go around threatening strangers, that way you’ll live to prey on some other guy’s girl. At 28 with your attitude and characteristics I don’t believe you have finished playing the field but if you ever do change your ways keep me in the loop. Lastly, if you want to continue playing the field then don’t be exclusive to anyone, so you won’t hurt some pure soul and you can play as often as you want, but please do ‘play safe’ and wear protection at all times.

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Dear Maurice,

I just want your honest opinion on a scenario that is currently part of my life. I am 28 years old. I don’t have a girlfriend and to be frank, one would just slow my roll. Anyway, in September 2010 I traveled to the Norway where I stayed with an American family, yah I know odd! They moved there over a decade ago. I was training at some institute furthering my studies as you do. I was there for a good 9 months, my course was only for 6 months but I decided to stay longer and the reason was because I was having an affair with the lady of the house. Dude she is sizzling hot at 44, she can easily give much younger girls a run for their money. You need to see her to know exactly what I’m talking about. Her husband and 2 kids were clueless at first until one of her boys figured it out and told his Dad of his suspicions.

Maurice asks,

Did he punch your lights out?

He replies,

No, but I could see it in his eyes, given the chance he would have minced me into cat food. He just asked me what was going on between me and his wife and I said ‘nothing’, it’s not like I was going to admit it considering I was living under his roof.

We had our mano to mano chat and things went back to normal.

Maurice asks,

When did you start hitting on another man’s woman?

He replies,

Well, the flirting started within 2 days of my arrival. It was just harmless  sharing of jokes, a bit of fun that escalated into a fling. The husband is a sales guy so he would travel for days at a time, giving me ample time to have a taste. No word of a lie but that was the best sexual experience I had ever had. In short, she taught me things I didn’t even know I could do.

Maurice says,

A bit off topic, did you finish your course and what do you do for a living?

He replies,

I run my own business online, its now my fourth year selling commodities online and yes I did finish the course which was related to advancing my business in Kenya because I already sell to the World.

Maurice asks,

So you went over to a foreign Country and could not resist your keepers wife. Who you have an affair with is your business but ‘dude’ seriously, you were in Norway. All those Scandinavian women and you opted to bang someone’s woman. I’m sure there are guys reading this who are on the same page. Were there no girls at this institution?

He replies,

I did not plan to meet such a fine woman and yes I couldn’t not resist her. She was all over me too, so I guess it was a case of two consenting adults acting on their call of nature. Now, about the institute. I had a thing with 2 girls over the period I was there and one is currently pregnant. Lucky for me she was of legal age and her parents have been supportive but also disappointed if you know what I mean. The last thing they expected was their daughter to get pregnant. I am going to take care of the baby and I have already set finances in motion to make sure the mother to my Scandinavian daughter is comfortable. It actually feels good to say that and I’m glad I have been blessed over the years in my business so I can afford the child care.

Maurice replies,

I see you’ve been both busy and an overly naughty boy. So I’m guessing you’re done with your older woman fling?

He replies,

You see that’s just it, she is coming to Kenya to see me in a few weeks time. She has taken time off to be with me. And before you ask, I’m not going to ask her to stay over and leave her husband.

Maurice comments,

You need to be careful with your wording for a minute there it sounded like you felt for the husband of which you don’t.

He replies,

What are you implying?

Maurice replies,

OK, lets not beat around the bush. This is my take on the whole saga. You have certainly not being playing with women’s minds for a short while. You are confident and you are very strategic in what you do, however, I also feel that you have played the field for so long that the fun is wearing thin. You are running away from the one thing you want most ‘companionship’. I know why, its easier to play the player from one woman to the next than to indulge in the unknown World of ‘Love’ as they call it. Underneath that player in you is a man who wants to dedicate himself to one woman but you fear the probabilities the future will throw at you.

Let me break it down, I never asked you about having a girlfriend but you went ahead and dismissed the notion of having a relationship, are getting my drift. You have money. You could have stayed at the institute’s facility but you chose to seek accommodation with a family as if you were on some exchange program! You did that so that you could limit the probability of ‘scoring’ with women. Living with a family gave you better odds of mingling with the locals plus I can bet you saw a photo of the family before you decided which one to live with. Once they accepted your request, half your job was done. Oh in-case you are wondering how I know for sure the institute had accommodation facilities, well unless you went to some backyard college of which you didn’t, Universally institutions have accommodation options. Yes, I’m also well traveled and well versed in many topics.

Despite the fact that you are having an affair with a married woman you know you feel for her but you are so afraid to walk into the darkness not knowing whats on the other side. Get over it, that’s life, and trust me, though I know you have an idea of this but you do know she is not traveling all this way just to fuck you and experience the sites and sounds of Kenya, she could have done that watching Nat Geo Wild. You hear me my good man. Tell me I’m wrong.

He replies,

All I can say is that you have a point or two but I don’t believe I’m afraid it’s just women who I tend to fall for never live up to my expectations.

Maurice replies,

And there you have it, a confession of some form of fear. Mate I wish we lived in an ideal World but we don’t. We all have to take that leap and with luck you find compatibility in a partner. Now that will sustain a relationship, do you believe you are compatible with you soon to be guest? Have you ever had compatibility but for some reason it just never materialised?

He replies,

Again, I’m not too sure about compatibility long term but I’m sure of our current attraction for each other, the flame still burns bright. I would rather not discuss my past if you don’t mind.

Maurice asks,

I am curious, what made the girls parents trust in you or should I say accept you, and was there no fire works with the girls at the institute?

He replies,

When she told me she was pregnant I was willing to take her in and have her join me in Kenya or I relocate but she said that she was already dating a guy over there and that I was just a distractions, a fling that was good while it lasted. She was point blank, she said she could not see a future with me because she wasn’t in-love with me and that she would never ask anyone to relocate from their home to be with her just because she got pregnant. So really I was following her instructions. For me our time together was great but I too was only there for the fun with both girls. But when it comes to ‘you know who’, she has just shown me unconditional attention and a new perspective in life, I really don’t know how to describe it. I guess when she gets here the future will unfold and what comes will come.

Maurice replies,

Careful, you are treading in new social dynamics and you may find the one or end up hurt. My final words to you are, have your fun, concentrate on your business of which I’m sure is your passion and take each day as it comes. When she gets here, you both need to be very clear where you are going or not so that the airport goodbye can be one of happiness, meaning you have decided to stay together or one of ‘cheers’ for the holiday its been fun but its time for me to go back home. No one is promised tomorrow, live each day as if it were your last and refrain from people’s wives you already have one coming over.

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Dear Maurice,

I am a 38 year old woman. I have been married now for 4 years. I met my husband in 2004 while on holiday in Zanzibar. I was then holidaying with my ex husband who I was married to for 2 years and 7 months. I have a son with my ex and I get to see him over the weekends.

 My ex won custody of our son because at the time of our divorce due to my over active social life and lack of sufficient funds according to the judicial system I was not deemed fit to raise my son. However since then life has been good to me, I changed jobs and now I can say I am doing well for myself. Anyway back to how I met my current husband. During the holiday which was to be the last I would have with my ex husband we met a group of people who holiday together through a social media where they all met and started a social events calendar. I joined the social media group and attended some of their events over the years. In March 2006 our divorce came through and I was a free woman once again. I kept in-touch with one particular guy every day, every week and before we knew it we were an item. People would stare at us because of our obvious age difference. He is 27 and it doesn’t help that he has this baby boy look light skinned but very handsome. In August 2007 I married what I thought was the most charming adorable man I had ever met. Maurice I have given this man all of me, I gave him the key to my heart. I have supported him emotionally and financially, yet he has persisted to disrespect me by coming home late and at times he has his friends over at 3am after their night of clubbing. They then continue their partying in our home till dawn.

Maurice’s asks,

Has your current husband’s character in regards to his social life changed since you met him through the social media group?

She replies,

I know what you are getting at but I have not allowed him to behave in this manner so I am not to blame and as my husband I would have hoped that he would grow up and act responsible. He is not immature otherwise I would not be married to a man that I have nothing in common with. I accept we are of a different generation but when he is being a loving husband you can hardly tell our age difference.

Maurice’s replies,

You are not under attack so please refrain from the defensive impulse. I just wanted to point out that your husband despite his ability to act or be mature he is still a 27 year old man. Does that mean all men his age are immature, not at all, however you did meet him in a forum that only social personalities would be members of, in the other hand I believe you joined because it was a way to get away from the problems that were brewing between you and your ex husband. I’m I getting warmer?

She replies,

You are right on one thing the group was a great distraction and I hoped that this time round things would be different.

Maurice’s asks,

Explain, what do you mean by different?

She replies,

My ex was a control freak, he never gave me space to breath, he never abused me or hit me but he did his best to break me off from the rest of the World. He wanted to own me, I was his property, and thinking back he did jokingly once say that after paying such a hefty dowry I would have to cater for his every need. Maurice I lost my friends, my identity as a woman, I thought I was going to go mad but I held on for my son.

Maurice’s comments,

I hate to put it this way but in my opinion your current husband was your way of replacing attributes in your ex that you disliked. It’s not by chance that you married a younger man. Are you are cougar? I highly doubt. Based on your past you were seeking the perfect one, the perfect soul mate, someone who you can mould to be everything your ex should have been as your man. Unfortunately, we can’t alter someone’s character traits or personality to fit our every expectation. Apart from his lack of respect, do you believe he cares about you, and when he is not partying with his friends do you spend quality time where he fulfills your need for companionship?

She replies,

If you are asking if I think he is faithful to me then the answer is yes. And yes he is very loving and affectionate when we are just the two of us. I am not defending him but I know he knows the difference between good and bad in our relationship. He will at times surprise me with a few antics but he is my man and I love him to death despite what society thinks. Our families do not approve of our marriage and I doubt they ever will.

Maurice’s says,

How do you feel around your husband’s friends, do you join them when they come over to your home or when they are going out clubbing? Has your husband ever shown signs of being ashamed, you know what I mean?

She replies,

It was hard at first. Some of his friends especially the girls were bitchy and to date some still see me as a cradle snatcher. Do I party with them, yes I do and I have had one of my best nights out with my husband. And no, he has always found me attractive though there have been moments when I have taken a step back and asked myself if he would be happier with a younger woman.

Maurice replies,

Words say a lot and sometimes when you read between the lines you can recognize love mixed with fear of the unknown. I may be wrong but I believe you never had real closure with your ex and losing custody was a tough path in your life and it must have made you feel as if you were less of a woman, a failed mother, but you are not. You have described your current life as a new chapter, yes you have a few teething issues but those are just part of life. You have a younger man for a husband but you testify to his loyalty to you, not many women in my line of work have that privilege so avoid becoming your controlling ex and let your husband be the man he is at his age.

Share your short term and long term expectations and just live life one day at a time. If you don’t like something, calmly tell him and tell him why, sometimes it helps to ask someone to put themselves in your shoes. We don’t pick those we end up loving from a line up of perfect people but in your case what stands out is that your union is intact and you are content with each other.

Do not seek perfection but seek to sustain happiness, seek to remain young at heart and keep your communication healthy. Over the years to come you will both learn a lot from each other and be willing to indulge each other in activities, hobbies and even fetishes that you may have.

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Dear Maurice,

Is it human nature to heed to temptation? I got married to a very sweet caring man 2 years ago. I am 26 and he is 30.

 We knew each for only 7 months; we met online and fell deeply in-love over those months just chatting and flirting everyday. Eventually we set a date and met for coffee. After 2 months we opted to get hitched because life is short and we both believed that time will make our bond stronger. He is the most romantic man I have ever met but 5 months ago by pure accident I attended a function and met this guy who just confused my World. We work together in the same building and thankfully not the same floor. Our departments are interlinked so we can’t avoid bumping into each other everyday. He is a divorcee and from what he told me, his wife cheated on him that’s the only reason for their parting. I love my husband but I can’t get my work colleague off my mind. I wish I could fault my husband to show justification but I can’t. It’s affecting my sex life, I feel guilty just kissing my husband and he did ask me if there was anything wrong. I did not know what to say I just put it down to being tired from work.

Maurice’s replies,

The answer to your question is, no it is not human nature to heed to temptation, it a choice we make. The same way its not human nature to kill or treat other people with disrespect, it’s our surroundings that expose us to certain behavior with a mix of mental state. I could spend our dialogue judging you but instead I will ask how old is this other man and what has he promised you and have you discussed where your fling is going? Lastly what is he giving you that your husband can’t?

She replies,

He is 44. He understands me or rather the night we met he overwhelmed me with how much he knew about my character, my interests, he even understood why I want to pursue certain interests that my husband just dismisses. I value and respect my husband’s opinion but what is a girl to do when a man has so much in common with her.

Maurice’s asks,

I am assuming he knows you are married to a younger man than him and I might be wrong on this one but has he touched on your age difference between you and your husband or has he shown a degree of maturity that appeals to you?

She replies,

Yes he knows I am married. He hasn’t spoken ill of my husband but I guess he has pointed out that there are things my husband will find hard to take because as a woman of my age I am mentally more mature than my husband who is only 3 years older, I did take offence to that comment when he first said it but when I think about it I have been told by close relatives in the past, that despite our love for each other my husband will not always comprehend my way of thinking nor will he agree to my ambitions.

Maurice’s says,

It’s not always easy to accept certain possibilities but I think that your marriage was born through cyber space. It was a married formed from a bond through a social media platform and words shared brought you together and things escalated from there. I do not think you are in-love but you both fell for each other through infatuation that masked itself as true love. The reasons for my conclusion are in the words you use to narrate your position with your husband and your fling partner. You attend a function and thereafter proceeded to have an affair with a much older more experienced man who probably has over the years learnt the female psyche and with that knowledge he was able to discredit your marriage and you let it happened. This older man has totally gotten you smitten and he has derailed your path and the only reason he is still in your life is because you allow it plus you at some point realized that you do not love your husband and that you see him more as a best friend, a confidant.

The reason why you can not kiss your husband is not really about guilt; its more about your attraction for him is not what it was before. I hope you can find it in you to accept the reality of your marital status and not prolong the inevitable.

Here’s a few tips, avoid office functions (if you can), avoid being confused by random people (isn’t it funny how even the most boring of personalities can be very attractive with a wine glass in you hand), avoid accidentally landing in a bed other than yours; I would rather go on a trip that ends well and ‘guilt trips’ don’t because they most of the time never leave you.

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Dear Maurice,

May I begin my story by telling you a bit about myself; I am 36 and married with no kids. I have always be a perfectionist, always a go getter and in my career I seem to have managed to achieve my targets however when it came to men I thought I could use the same formula to weed out the time wasters and those that just got under my skin. I was in search of an equal, a man who is confident, who can be a provider and excel s in whatever he does. I have been married for 1 year 2 months and I want out of this marriage. I made the biggest error of judgment. 

Before my husband I was dating my ex for 6 years who without a doubt treated me like a woman but the two reasons why I could not marry him was because he was brutally honest to the point where he would tell me things like, my dress is ugly, my perfume is too strong, a particular hair style did not suit me and he even had the nerve to tell me that I should watch my weight. He just said things that were hurtful. The other issue was that he was not ambitious enough. He was content with his post at work and I knew he could do better but despite pushing him he was neither eager nor motivated to excel. I guess he was set in his ways.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you regret leaving your former boyfriend?

She replied,

Yes I do regret my haste to find the perfect man who has just turned into my worst nightmare.

Maurice comments,

I am just pulling at straws but did you find this perceived perfect guy who is currently your husband soon after breaking up with your boyfriend?

She replied,

It was 4 months after our break up. I was heartbroken and when I met my husband he was the perfect gentleman.

Maurice says,

Let me guess. He showered you with gifts, he was profusely generous with compliments of your looks and maybe he told you how he loved your ambition and that he would support you always. Did he by any chance tell you that you would make a perfect wife and did you then get married soon after?

She relied,

Well Maurice he did paint the picture that he would be the best man for me. So in some way you are right especially with the showering of gifts and complimenting me every chance he got, plus we ate out a lot and he was the first man to fly me out of the country. I took unpaid leave at work and we spent 2 weeks in a resort abroad, it was wonderful, I had never received such pampering from a man before. That is where he proposed and I gladly said yes. That was about 6 months after we met and now here I am very bitter, very lonely, I have a beautiful home living a life of luxury but I know my husband has cheated on me with 3 women. Over the last 8 months I have read his texts and isolated these women. I have done nothing about it because I know he is the type of man who will never change his ways. We were last intimate 4 months ago. I feel stupid to have fallen for his charm and lies, I should have known better but I guess I deserve it for leaving a relationship where I was happy and loved despite the flaws.

Maurice replies,

I have assessed what you seek and this is my profiling of your error of judgment. You crave luxury; you are in hurry to achieve wealth and love as a package hence your unrealistic formula. There is no particular formula that works. You were disappointed by your ex only because he did not find happiness in material things as you do, actually I’m sure your predicament has shown you that happiest is not found in wealth though that is not to say that we should not be ambitious. Two people who truly find happiness in each other stick it out and make the best of their relationship. Was your ex poor, you also said he treated you like a woman, does that mean the only difference in regards to pampering is that your husband has deeper pockets?

She replied,

No my ex was not poor and yes I admit that my husband’s ability to pamper me and provide did appeal to me when I met him. Are you saying that I should try and get my ex back?

Maurice’s replied,

My main point is that you lost a good man based on your expectations and greed. You ignored the qualities that you can not buy. For example, an honest man, a man who makes you happy unconditionally. I am sure after 6 years of dating you knew he never meant to hurt you with his comments, he was just being himself, he was bold and man enough to express his opinion and trust me it was in good faith he wanted you to look your best and at times in a relationship you must allow for your partner to criticize, not all criticism is malicious.

I believe I did not say or imply that you should go back to your ex. If it is an option then it’s up to you, he may reject you or he may have another woman in his life now. What I can advise is that who ever you end up with as long as you make each other happy; prioritize on sustaining that environment of happiness which will in-turn nurture an environment of love and a sense of caring for each other. That is a relationship status that no amount of wealth can buy, it’s developed by a couple who yearn for the same things in life.

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Dear Maurice,

I have been happily married to a wonderful loving man for 8 years. I am 40 this year. We have 3 kids and hoping for a four to close the chapter. However, I can’t seem to let go of my ex boyfriend who has been in my life for the last 24 years, though we only dated for 4 years.  

Men have always come and gone but my ex has been the constant in my life. I can go to him about anything and he usually comes through for me but his girlfriend is not happy with our bond. She only found out we keep in-touch when she went through his phone she then called me and the rest I’m sure you can work out. Anyway my husband knows all my male friends but I have never disclosed to him about my ex as a former boyfriend, he only knows that we grew up together and once in a while we all go out for drinks with other friends.

Maurice’s asks,

Have you really let go of your ex, were you in-love or was it just puppy love considering you knew each other in your teens?

She replies,

Yes I did love him, as for being in-love I am not sure but I know I care about him a lot. He has been there when others were not.

Maurice’s says,

Would you say he is like your soul mate of sorts? 24 years of knowing someone is a long time.

She replies,

I never thought of him in that way but I guess he is my soul mate, my confidant. He is there when I need someone to talk to apart from my husband who I can not fault because he too is there for me.

Maurice’s asks,

Now that I have a better understanding of what your ex means to you, what exactly do you want from me, you said you are happily married so why lie to you husband about your past, do you want me to validate your relationship with you ex to ease your guilt?

She replies,

Maurice my husband would not understand my friendship with my ex, he would blow it out of context yet it’s an innocent friendship. I am not involved romantically with my ex and haven’t been for many years now.

Maurice’s says,

I sense guilt. You have used the word ‘bond’ twice and in words I deduce a lot especially if someone is trying to down play a status in their life. In your case I have the feeling that you still have strong feelings for your ex and the reason for your break up is probably the only reason why you are not married to him but the reason could not sever your bond as you call it. If your friendship with your ex, which in my professional opinion I believe is not healthy for the long term survival of your marriage, was innocent and not romantic in anyway I don’t believe you would be writing to me. You found a good man and married him and you live with the guilt that even though you may not be involved with your ex you still keep him around because of attributes in him you still find attractive. You may never stray and break your marital vows but in my experience with your love triangle scenario the truth always has a way of coming out. You need to ask yourself if this bond with your ex is worth a future rift between you and your husband and on whose side would you be if it came to a choice between your loving husband and your ex lover? Note that I haven’t mentioned your kids who would also be affected if your marriage experienced a bumpy patch or ended. It’s all about your priority and loyalty to one man, we don’t always have the choice to have our cake and eat it too. Decisions have consequences and sometimes if we make the wrong ones however harmless we think they are its most of the time too late to undo the damage of a broken heart.

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