mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

Dude I like what you are trying to do here but society in my opinion sucks.  I am proud to be Kenyan but I am not proud of what our society has become. I was married to the love of my life for 7 years. On the 5th year I traveled about for further studies, not just for me but to better life for myself and my wife. She had the choice to join me abroad but she did not want to interrupt her career and I understood where she was coming from. After all you are meant to consider each other’s aspirations and dreams in a marriage.

Maurice replies,

It sounds like the perfect balance.

He replies,

  Yes it does on paper but the reality is that my boy was tapping my wife about 4  months into my departure. This was my boy, the one guy I trusted with my life. with my wife. I was there for him when he went through a messy divorce and that was his thank you to me, what a friend absolutely hopeless. I am so glad we hadn’t started having children that would have been a mess. I don’t even know why I am telling you all this, maybe I just needed an outlet and you provide the best forum for it. I guess I also want other men to know that trusting your male friends is at your own risk. I would like to believe there are men out there who are real pals but they must be a rare breed.

Maurice asks,

How did you find out about the affair?

He replies,

A year before I came back home I suspected something but I had no idea it involved a friend of mine. My wife’s attention changed, she would not text or call or facebook me as she did before. When I would try and call she would not always answer my calls and later make up some excuse to why she didn’t answer or reply. I was afraid to acknowledge a breakdown in our marriage, I wished for it to be my own insecurities but the truth eventually came to me via other friends plus my wife owned up to it saying she was lonely and vulnerable at the time. She asked me to forgive and that she had learned her a lesson and would never repeat it again.

It was too late for me. I learned a valuable lesson, which was being a good man to your woman never pays. I have given up on women in totality.Before I got married a played all the games men play with women so when I got married it was time for me to change my ways and dedicate myself to one woman. For what I now ask myself? I had all the chances to fuck around while away but I fought temptation and was loyal at all times. Another thing that hurts is that my wife made me vow numerous times that I would be faithful to her unconditionally and I kept that promise as her man, again for what!

Maurice replies,

Mate I would be lying to say I know what you are going through but don’t punish all women for one woman’s mistake. You are right to some point, not all women appreciate a good man but there are those who do so don’t give up on women.

He replies,

Maurice I play by my own rules nowadays, I put myself first. After I gave up our life and left her the house and car I started a fresh. I went from the picket fence mansion to a one bedroom apartment but I am happy. I don’t answer to anyone and won’t be doing so for a long while to come. More like never. No one can give me back my 7 years of dedication so I am not willing to entrust another woman with my time and love. My policy with women is simple, we hookup, we have fun, we fuck, and fuck some more then we part ways till we need each other for more fun.

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Dear Maurice,

  I need your help urgently. My husband has packed up and left to his parent’s home. How it got to this point is anyone’s guess, it was all very innocent but now I’ve been left alone, we have only been married for 2 years.

Maurice comments,

Start from the beginning and don’t sugar coat any detail, it might be the difference between harmony and silent treatment or worse divorce.

She replies,

Well, over the Christmas season we all went to Mombasa.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by ‘all went to Mombasa’?

She replies,

For the last 4 years we have been going to Mombasa with our friends, they are all dating or married. We were a group of 8 couples. We have never had any issue while on holiday; our friends have had their usual couple misunderstandings but never to cause someone to move out, in-fact my husband and I have always been the referees when it comes to our friends. We have maintained a solid union till now. He is not taking my calls I have only managed to talk to his mum and she has tried to get him to talk to me but he is adamant to punish me. He knows I hate this silent treatment and its killing me. I love him and what happen can’t be our end.

Maurice comments,

Was it that bad because despite our dialogue you haven’t told me what caused your rift?

She replies,

Sorry, I was building up to it, you know us women, anyway on Christmas eve we held a small party at our apartment of about 20 people approximately. We bumped into people we knew and we decided to host a bash instead of going out.

Maurice asks,

Just out of interest how old are you and your husband?

She replies,

I am 26 and he is 32. Why do you ask?

Maurice says,

I’m just profiling you as you tell your side of the story, so please continue.

She says,

We drove to the nearest supermarket to buy our party supplies and as we were shopping we bumped into a guy I once had a fling with back in secondary school so I hadn’t seen him in ages. I introduced him to my husband and they also had a chat as men do and off we went. We shopped, and in the car my husband asked how I knew the guy and I told him and he was fine with it as it was not the first time for my hubby to meet an ex of mine, gosh I even find it odd calling him an ex cause we hardly dated. We only met like 4 to 5 times in our last years of secondary school. I had a major crash on him but we lost touch and that was that.

So, we drove back to the apartment and set up for the great evening to come and surprise, at around 11pm my ex pops through the door with mutual friends that we had invited. He was as surprised to see me as I was. Now, this is where things just went south. He walked over and pecked me on the cheek but he also slapped my ass ‘suggestively’. I then said to him “watch out I’m now a married woman”. Little did I know my husband and 2 of his friends saw the entire incident and had words with the guy, so I found out once my husband and his friends left after about 30 minutes. They said they were going for more drinks but I could tell by a glance I received from my hubby that something was wrong but I let it pass.

Maurice, my husband returned at around 4am and I could tell he was under the influence which was not like him at all. He yelled about how I embarrassed him and how could I dare invite my ex and to add salt to injury allow my ex to touch me. My mother had once told me if a man every got drunk and started to complain about something I would only make it worse by trying to defend myself so I took the verbal yelling and the insults. All the time I was calling him ‘baby’ as I always do and trying my best to stay humble and convince him that I had not invited the man in question. I told him to check my phone if he didn’t believe me and I reminded him that we vowed never to doubt each other but for some reason that night he was not willing to hear me out.

Maurice comments,

The fact that you kept your cool was a wise thing to do; I guess your mother knows how to handle a man’s mood swings.

She replies,

I guess so but my husband still packed a few of his things and left. He booked into another Hotel, slept and got a flight back to Nairobi the next morning. He switched off his phone and text me on his way back telling me how disappointed he was and that I had ruined a good thing, that he would never betray me and that his vows to me were real and that he needs to think about our future. What happen in regards to the guy touching me was out of my control. How was I to know he would behave in that manner after he had earlier met my husband?

Maurice replies,

This is my opinion on the matter. I can see why your husband may have gotten annoyed but considering how you describe your bond he should have backed you up and stood hand and hand to make it very clear that you are taken woman and you have a man by your side. If you have a pact as a couple then you should follow it to the ‘T’, otherwise what’s the relevance of the pact. I believe that’s why you vow to be there for each other through thick and thin. True, it was out of your control. If you ask me, I believe it was your husband’s friends that fueled the fire. I believe if they hadn’t left the party things would not have escalated to your current predicament. I am assuming that you and your mother-in-law are in good terms?

She replies,

Yes I explained the whole story to her and she too thinks that her son jumped the gun. She has told me that he is not going anywhere and that I give him time to cool off, she even brought humour into our dialogue by saying that she was awaiting grandchildren so her son needs to move back home immediately. Imagine I spent New Year’s alone at home, my friends tried to get me to go out but I’m in low moods and I miss my baby. How do I get him back?

Maurice replies,

Tell your mother-in-law to tell him if he won’t talk to you he should at least read your text messages. In them make sure to remind him of your pact, you may have done that already but do it repeatedly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you wish to be in his arms, basically baby him as if he were a little boy, play with his ego and uplift him. Lastly, tell him ‘you belong to only one man and when he is ready his wife will be waiting for him so you can make loads of babies’. Those words would have many men running home. The idea is to sooth him and make him feel like your King, your everything. At that point, a man who wants to go home will go home. Later, once he’s been home for about a month, yes a month. Never uplift your man then put him down you might create a rift that can’t be reversed. After the 4 weeks you can ‘calmly’ tell him how you feel about how he reacted. It’s not a set formula, take what I have advised and apply it based on your man’s character, only you know how best to apply the above.

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Dear Maurice,

 I have 5 kids and have been married for the last 16 years.  I have seen it all, been there, gone through the thick and thin with my husband and trust me he has tested my sanity many a times. Last week I got home at around 7pm, he was already home and I found him in our bedroom doing what I can only describe as abnormal. Out of all the experience this one has topped it.

Maurice my husband who I hold in such high regard was dressed in women’s attire, my clothes. At first I thought I was hallucinating but unfortunately it was real, before my own eyes my man was in a dress and wearing lip stick. I remember closing the door behind me as I said as calmly as possible “the kids will be home in a few and you have some explaining to do”. What if my kids saw their Dad it would confuse them, I don’t even want to think about it.

Maurice asks,

I knew there were cross dressers in Kenya but I didn’t realize I would be receiving the news in this unfortunate context. So what did your husband say about the cross dressing?

She replies,

Are you telling me there is an epidemic of men dressing like women and my husband has been infected? Maurice, what was I going to ask him, he just came downstairs looking like his normal self and said that “it was not the time for him to explain but he will”. Since then I have moved to the spare room. I sleep there once the kids are asleep then by 6am I’m back in our bedroom. I can’t stand to lay next to him the whole night, I just can’t, it gives me the shivers just thinking about it. Is my man gay after all these years? Please tell me something, I need to hear your opinion.

Maurice comments,

You have had 5 kids over a period of 16 years, how old is the youngest?

She replies,

My last born is 4 years old.

Maurice says,

Great news, I can tell you this for sure, your husband is not gay or seeking to be in the future. In my opinion he is a transvestic fetishist, a heterosexual man who has probably hidden his fetish from you for many many years. It’s unlikely he developed these dressing desires a few years ago. It is not an infection and whatever you do let him explain it to you and be supportive which is different from encouraging. Hear him out. Right now he is confused not knowing if his marriage is over, many thoughts and scenarios are running in his head right now. I know he let you down by not sharing, you may not approve of his behaviour but if you want results don’t make it hard for him to open up. He needs to feel he is not in trouble, you just need to be on the same page as him. Once he opens up and spills the beans then you can rationally question him further.  I need to ask, has your husband ever shown signs of not feeling manly? Has he felt inadequate in any way especially in the bedroom?

She replies,

Unless I have become ignorant of my husband I can confidently say he has been the ‘man’ of the house from the beginning. Our sex life is healthy so this incident has really thrown me off the spinner.

Maurice replies,

There you go; you have confirmed what I was pretty certain about. Let me know how thing progress but you will find that your husband only loves to dress as a woman to satisfy his own fantasy that is in his head and it doesn’t go further than that. For instance, he does not have a gender disorder which affects singles even married men to point where they regret their gender bodily attributes and will go to great lengths to change their appearance. Again, this is just a fetish zone with your husband. I urge you to be patient with him; he never thought he would get caught by you so be gentle on the man. Please do keep me posted.

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  Dear Maurice,

I have a problem that needs your urgent attention. I have been married for 4 years 3 months now however if you total the time spend together, we have practically seen each other for 112 days per year, give or take a day or two. Personally it’s reached that point where I feel like letting him go. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, he treats me well and I have everything a man should provide for his woman but I am lacking companionship.

Maurice asks,

It’s taken you 4 years to realize there’s a problem! Anyway, why is it that you only see each other for roughly 4 months of the year?

She replies,

To be honest its taken 4 years because over that period I had his vacation to look forward to plus the perks that came with our being alone were a distraction. We always skype-d everyday and I was content with that arrangement. My husband works in the Middle East and has done so for the last 6 years. He is on a very lucrative package that keeps me busy if you know what I mean? He only gets the 4 months as his leave instead of the work for one month and receive a month off policy. The one month off policy drove me nuts. I would rather the accumulated vacation time.

Maurice comments,

So you sacrificed 2 months of his ‘off time’ and opted for the 4 months instead of 6 months? I must ask, are you truly in-love with you husband? And if so after all this time why are you not with him?

She replies,

Yes I do love him and yes I am in-love with him. When we met he had already landed the job which did not allow for a spouse to join her husband. He has tried everything to get me over there but the company policy plus his contract stipulate those terms however HR are attempting to change their policy but it takes time.

Maurice asks,

I need you to be frank with me, have you strayed or has he?

She replies,

I know for sure he hasn’t strayed. First he is in the middle of nowhere; they don’t have entertainment areas near where he works. There company has in-house state of the art sport facilities and video gaming for those who want to entertain them selves. Considering the salary he is on it’s worth the sacrifice.

Maurice asks,

So have you strayed considering your evasive answer? And is the money worth being apart?

She replies,

Please don’t critic me. I made one error of judgment a few years ago and had an affair for 8 months but I ended it when I realised I had the man for me despite our distance.

Maurice asks,

Between the two of you, in your opinion, who makes contact first when you are skyping or through our social media platforms?

She replies,

I guess he does but that’s only because I can’t contact him while on shift, as I said his company is strict when he clocks off he alerts me to go online so we can chat.

Maurice asks,

What do you do for a living?

She replies,

I am a house wife and a run a boutique. Why?

Maurice comments,

My dear I’m assuming you wanted my candid analysis so let’s look at the facts. You have a loving rich man who pampers you from here to Kingdom come, I applaud him for that. If his pockets can allow then let him splash out, after all you’re his wife. However, you had an affair of which I am pretty confident you never told him about and probably will never, at this point it’s not my place to tell you whether to tell him or not. If status quo works for you then so be it. I believe you love your husband and due to time spent apart you grew out of the in-love sphere hence the adultery. You say, you had this affair a few years ago and yet knowing how most women reply to certain questions. You chose those words ‘a few years’ out of guilt, not wanting to relive the time in your mind. I am not judging you but you must admit if you knew he was having an affair you would want an explanation among other demands that come with receiving bad news. If your marriage has a chance to work it has to be based on more than Skype, more than the 4 months a year and definitely more about your bond not the bond that comes from the money he earns. Long distance relationships are not easy and personally I would never go down that path unless I knew the probability of relocating together was guaranteed. I want you to take a step back and review your marriage ’why are you really in the marriage’ before you subconsciously drift apart.

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Dear Maurice,

My husband is a typical African man; we have been together inclusive of dating for 7 years. In May it will be our fourth anniversary if he remembers this year that is.

Maurice asks,

Before you continue may I assume you take your husband for who he is?

She replies,

Yes I do, it’s not easy living with a man who pretends not to know where the kitchen is and he has never washed a dish in our home.

Maurice asks,

What attracted you to his unorthodox character?

She replies,

I guess it was his way with words, how he treated me like a lady from the beginning and still does but I can’t stand how he eats in-front of people. I don’t mind when we are in our home but when we are in public I expect him to eat in a manner that a man of his statue ought to eat. It’s like eating next to an animal.

Maurice asks,

In the last year or so has your lifestyle changed, if I may, are your pockets deeper than when you first met?

She replies,

I don’t see how that is your business but I will say that our life style has been upgraded.

Maurice comments,

For me to deduce where the real issue is I must ask uncomfortable questions otherwise I will be doing you a disservice, forgive me for intruding. However, I can bet that your new life has changed your mind set towards your husband. You started by describing your man as a typical African. The only woman who does that is one that accepted her man as he is. You then implied he forgets your special day, but its more a remark rather than a complaint. Finally you contradicted your persona towards your husband by saying that you ‘expect’ him to have some form of etiquette, you didn’t use that word but that’s what you meant. My advise to you my dear is you have taken your man on a long 6 year journey, take his flaws, his traditional believes, may I remind you that you embraced his personality and walk up an aisle and said I do. I am only speculating but I feel your husband may have embarrassed you, more than once, at functions that meant something to you, would I be right?

She replies,

Yes he has and he refused to apologise when we get home, especially after the latest one. We never make a scene in public but I expected an apology after he did not excuse himself from the table and let one off. He then proceeded to eat as if he had done nothing; his only comment was “all humans do it”, a few people found it amusing but for me it was disrespectful and disgusting. Some of those that attended were senior work colleagues. I am trying to climb the ladder at work so we have been attending functions but I don’t need the embarrassment. I know I took him for the man he is but can’t he be considerate and excuse himself in such a scenario. What do you tell a man who tells you that all people remove bowel gases and an apology is out of the question because it’s a natural bodily reaction.

Maurice,

This is what you do. Sit down with you husband, tell him that you have for years accepted him for who he is but you would like him to excuse himself when nature calls. Your husband is stubborn but you know him and I’m sure you can positively manipulate him to believe that you admire his character, however because he ‘naturally’ wants to see you happy and excel if he can avoid the acts that irritate you in public. And if he does there’s going to be a ‘surprise’ for him, get creative, you know what he likes about you. Men most of the time need to be lured or tricked to get your way or to get something done, just like training a dog, if the dog performs as instructed it receives a cookie.  You know your hubby so create a formula that works for you.

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Dear Maurice,

  I am 26 years old and I have been married for 5 months. I can not complain my man treats me well as I would expect but I am so worried about our future. I have heard so such from women who have been married for decades and the similarities are too many for me to ignore. I wanted your opinion on a few facts or myths and for you to explain in details why these challenges may not affect me in the future.

Maurice asks,

When you say ‘you have heard a lot from married women’, is this information you have received over the years or is it a recent occurrence?

She replies,

Well, I have had a chat with my mother and aunties and they have given me a rough idea of what I should expect and how I should conduct myself towards my husband but I also joined a women’s chama group a few months ago and that has been my main source of information about men. Its very worrying news if you ask me.

Maurice comments,

And so I will, what are the challenges you speak of?

She replies,

I was told not to be ignorant and accept that my man will one day commit the act of adultery, is this fact? I was told that married men have some sort of code shared between them, that once they get married the excitement we gave them as their girlfriend fizzles out after some time and that is why they stray. I was also told never to disclose what I earn and to always have a secret bank account plus make investments that he should never know about. That will be my fail safe incase the marriage doesn’t work.

Maurice replies,

Honestly, my dear, your marriage is so young the last thing it needs is an injection of bad influence. The fact is, there are more unhappy people than those who can tell you a story about their 10 to 30 years of marriage. I really do not want to speculate about your new social circle but all I can say is stick to the formula that works for you. Ask yourself, what led you to where you are today, why did you marry each other when there are plenty of other people you could have married. There’s a bond that you share and that is your common denominator. Why didn’t the women give you statistics of road accidents, God forbid, but there’s always a chance of being involved in an accident. I am even 90% sure that it’s just a small group within the women’s group that targeted you when you probably disclosed your young marriage status.

It’s unfortunate but not that many people in your lifetime especially as you get older will be glad to see you ‘happily in marriage’. And when it comes to women, you are your worst enemy. You don’t need to seclude yourself from certain characters or topics but don’t take them as gospel truth. The way our psyche works is if you plant a thought in your head long enough you will find yourself a slave to that set of mind. You will then pass on the negative energy to your husband and from that will stem small rifts that will escalate to colossal arguments.  I know you asked specific questions and in my opinion any variable is possible. Yes your husband may cheat on you but it is unfair to judge him based on actions of other men, it’s not men in general, not all men get up in the morning and go on a killing spree or rob a bank. Let me ask you and be bold about your answer, why did you ‘really’ marry your husband?

She replies,

Before we got married we were friends for 4 years then dated for a year. He is still my friend that has not changed. He still surprises me with gifts which started way before we decided to date. In short he has always been there for me.

Maurice says,

There you go; you have just outlined your foundation that formed your union. Please do not let anyone or anything break that bond. As I said you are going to hear terrible stories about men but never go home and see your man in that light. I am a very big believer of “if someone wants to be with you for the rest of their life”, then they will limit the probabilities of spoiling that future. It’s out of your control. Live each day as it comes and be thankful to have each other. You have years to groom your husband into the man you know he can be. It’s only been 5 months do not allow for other external forces to shake your marital foundation. I will wait for a positive emails from you in 5 years to come. Be well, love each other and stay safe.

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Dear Maurice,

 I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I had been seeing for 5 years. I don’t want to get back with her after what she did but I want your honest opinion on why she may have done what she did.

Why do I start, ok on Valentines day we kept in-touch throughout the day and we both looked forward to that evening. I had booked a surprise restaurant treat at her favorite Italian restaurant. We enjoyed the night and our meal was splendid. We were done dining by 11pm and we decided to head off to some house party, more like gate crashed the bash. By 1am we were both enjoying ourselves mingling with people and having drinks as you do. At some point someone shouted “spin the bottle” and before you knew it we were a sizable group of about 20 playing the game. Long story short, the bottle eventually isolated my girlfriend and she opted to be dared which was not surprising considering she is a daring kind of person always wanting to explore. Anyway she was dared to kiss some guy and at that point she looked over to me for some reaction and I kind of hesitated and I believe I unknowingly gave her the green light in the name of the game. She kissed him or rather I just stood their as some random guy touched up my girl. They were given 30 seconds which seemed like a lifetime to me but I kept it together.

The game went on for at least 2 hours then people went back to mingling. I at this point was pretty beat and I dosed off for about 30 minutes. When I woke up my girlfriend was nowhere to be seen so I went looking for her. The first place I checked was the kitchen where a few had socially congregated. She was not there. Reluctantly I began to check the vacant rooms hoping she would be slumbered with a few people just chilling out. To my horror I open one of the bedrooms and found her making out with the guy she had kissed during the game. I then stood there and asked her what she thought she was doing, her response shocked me, I expected her to freak out and try and explain her actions but instead she walked up to the door and as she closed it she said “you were going to find out sooner or later”. I tried to open the door but she had locked it. I’m not the confrontational kind of guy so I walked out and left the party. She send me a text saying she was sorry I had to find out in those circumstances and she will be coming for her things when she’s ready. Since that night I haven’t called her and she hasn’t tried to contact me.

My question is simple, after 5 years of being the best guy I could be why could she not just tell me that things were not working for her and let me go instead of embarrassing me in-front of mutual friends. I don’t get it, how can someone you have loved for so long and been through stuff with just disregard you like you never existed? Did she ever love me like for real?

Maurice asks,

Had you ever witnessed similar behavior from her in the past?

He replies,

No. It was a drastic change of character, every time I try and make sense of it I still end up with a void to all the questions I have.

Maurice asks,

How old are you both, did you live together, was marriage and all the other trimmings that come with it on the cards?

He replies,

She is 25 and I am 37. No we did not live together but she did spend a lot of time at mine. About marriage well we did not talk about it that often I thought we were too engrossed to one another just enjoying life one day at a time. As far as I know she was not ready for marriage till she was a bit older, that’s what she told me last year when we were just having a laugh chatting about life and the future.

Maurice asks,

Before you do you know how many guys she had dated?

He replies,

She told me I was her third boyfriend.

Maurice replies,

Obviously my opinion is based on your info so this is what I think. You met a young girl who was only 20 and you were 32. You started to date but as the years went by you overlooked a few variables that may go against you in the future. Assuming you were indeed her third boyfriend I’m assuming you were not the first guy to sleep with her unless I’m wrong?

He replies,

You are right.

Maurice replies,

Then there’s a possibility that at one point she felt she was missing out on exploring with other men, I know its not the easiest of things to hear but you asked for my honest opinion. She probably hadn’t matured with you over the 5 years and at one point you came to some cross roads and that is when her feelings and commitment to your relationship changed. I hate to speculate because I haven’t spoken to her to assess her views but I’m guessing she wanted to be cut loose after she realised that the relationship was heading in a direction she was not ready to follow. Why she suddenly chose to do it when she did and how she did only she can accurately tell you why. I feel for you mate but life must go on.

Whatever you do don’t change the man you are, you have to believe that somewhere out there is that perfect woman for you. Don’t look for her she will come if you believe it.

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 Dear Maurice,

I don’t know where to start, things have just turned on me. Last night was supposed to be a fun time for me and my wife but she decided to change our plans by standing me up on Valentines day of all days. I had really psyched for it but she let me down.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean?

He replies,

Well, my wife of 9 years and I have been living a life that most people would not understand or accept. We have had a female partner for the last 2 years. It was something we both talked about as one of our fantasies while we were dating and eventually we found a compatible bi-sexual woman whom we would see at least twice a month.

Maurice asks,

So what did not go to plan yesterday?

He replies,

As you have guess we were to celebrate Valentines as a threesome but around 9pm my wife send me a text and switched off her phone. She told me to enjoy myself with a few friends who were going to join us by 11pm. I had already booked a surprise Hotel room for the 3 of us and all that went to waste as I ended up at the Hotel alone and disappointed after spending some time with our mutual friends.

Maurice asks,

Do your friends know of your sex life preference?

He replies,

Yes they do. They did ask why my wife was and I had no choice but to make up a story that we had an argument earlier in the day and she decided to go home.

Maurice replies,

So I’m guessing your wife made the night a two-some without consulting with you first, hence ruining your planned night?

He replies,

Yes she did, of late she has been closer to our sex partner and I confronted her about it when I noticed she would pay more attention to her than usual. She did not deny the fact but she affirmed that our relationship was still intact and she thanked me for being an understanding husband. She told me I have nothing to worry about. I want your view on the matter, I knew what I was getting into so I can’t blame her for having feelings for another.

Maurice replies,

Have you seen your wife since last night?

He replies,

Yes I have. I saw here at her work place over lunch time, we went for lunch and she explained what had happen. She wanted space from me to satisfy her fantasy without me for once. She apologised for switching off her phone but she said she didn’t know how to tell me that she had made other plans with the other woman. I am a very liberal person but I feel that she broke our promise to each other that we will be open regardless of the matter in hand. What can we do to avoid such an incident.

Maurice replies,

Has your wife spent a night with the other woman without you before?

He replies,

Yes she has numerous times over the last 2 years.

Maurice asks,

So your only issue with her is that she did not tell you of her change of plans and do you by any chance see other women apart from your third party sex partner?

He replies,

No I don’t sleep around with other women our sex life only involves the woman in question. We are both liberal and had a system that worked but now I’m not too sure if my wife wants to be with me.

Maurice replies,

The problem with fetishes is that despite being a very open couple some desires are difficult to share without hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t want to speculate but I believe your wife just wanted to explore her fetish without you being there. Unfortunately she chose the wrong day to explore, plus she should have just told you earlier on so that you can discuss it.

He replies,

I guess you are right. I am not jealous, I just needed for my wife to tell me the truth, I would have accepted her request to fulfill her desire after all she would be coming back home to me. I know many will judge us but despite this hiccup our relationship works and will continue to work because we have been 95% honest to each other about our sexuality and we deal with each day as it comes. Thank you for your opinion I guess I needed to share.

Maurice replies,

You are welcome. Let me know how things go into the weekend.

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Dear Maurice,

  I am 38 years old with 2 kids; 12 years and 15 years. Not forgetting the biggest baby of the house my husband who is 41. I say this because after 16 years of marriage I thought I knew my man well. I thought I had him all figured out but shock on me. For the last 11 years my husband and his friends, his boys, have been having nights out and he never lies to me about his whereabouts. I know he likes visiting strip clubs with his friends. For some odd coincidence they all have similar interests. My husband is like the youngest in the pack but he seems to call the shots when it comes to the social places they should visit. I am writing to you because I got tired of threatening my husband due to his obsession with these clubs, so I did a bit on reading online though some of the remedies did not go down well with me I eventually tried one that stated that if you give you husband the same atmosphere and freedom in your home backyard then you will not have to worry about him mingling with other women.

Maurice asks,

Oh, I can’t wait to hear what happen next, so you took him from the social arena and gave him your backyard as his playground. How did that turn out?

She replies,

When I proposed the idea, he was ok which surprised me because I thought he would fight me about his strip club obsession. I went for the idea and the next weekend from Friday to Saturday his friends came over with plenty of drinks and watched football or just sat at the garden and made noise. Now here is my problem. I thought my man had the “hots” for strippers but clearly not as much as I thought. For the last 4 months it’s been Friday and Saturday at our garden. I know I shouldn’t complain because my man is home and I don’t need to worry about the unknown but for how long will he and his friends have mini parties at our home.

Maurice asks,

Have you addressed this with your husband, have you told him you are uncomfortable with the current every weekend social gathering at your home?

She replies,

Maurice I am not a stupid woman. I know the minute I utter anything, they will return to their routine, plus we had a mutual agreement that once he shows me that he loves been around me even with his friends around I won’t bother him with complaints. My husband is not a bad man I just didn’t like his habits.

Maurice comments,

Just to ease your mind. You may know this or you may not but majority of men who visit strip clubs only do it for the visual effect. For another percentage of men it becomes an addiction of sexual power. The power to buy a dance, and the power of paying for it. In most professional establishments there’s no bodily contact from the man, he can’t touch her it’s prohibited, for a man it’s just the visual stimulant and the ability to command as she displays her dancing styles. Then again, not all women will feel comfortable with the idea but just for your knowledge if your husband was a frequent brothel patron; now that would be an issue. Thankfully he is not. In short, most men when they fill their visual craving in strip clubs they finish their drink and go home. In my opinion your husband is not obsessed with other women; if he was he would not be turning your home into a weekend getaway. Question, I am assuming your greatest fear was not knowing what goes on at strip clubs?

She replies,

Yes that was my concern, so how do I fix this other matter?

Maurice replies,

You made a pact with your husband. Without saying that you think the weekend thing is excessive and you want his friends gone. The best thing is to tell him that you have something planned on either the Friday or the Saturday. You could go for a movie, a meal or drive out of town and enjoy life together. Honesty you don’t have an issue with your relationship, you just need to have a schedule and make sure it’s not too predicable. I believe your husband wants to be with you ‘till death do you part’ just balance out his bond with his friends without fighting and you will come so some agreement. Relationships are about communication, if you don’t ask or voice out you will never know what fruits may arise.

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Dear Maurice,

 I have really messed things up this time round. I have turned to my close friends for help but none are sympathetic and for a good reason.  On 2^nd of this month after we had all settled down in the house my husband received a call at around 7pm and decided to continue with the conversation in a different room. I was tempted to eaves drop but I didn’t. However I did he him say “I can’t wait” then he kind of laughed. That rose my suspicious which was related to another incident that occurred 2 weeks prior and I couldn’t ignore it. When he felt asleep I went through his phone. I did not find any flirtatious texts but I had to know what was going on so I saved the number on my phone.

Maurice asks,

Did you call the number and what incident do you speak of?

She replies,

Yes I did but not on that night I waited till the next day then at 10am I called. As for the incident I am getting to the point where everything will clear up so be patient. A woman answered and I asked her if she knew my husband and she said yes she does. I proceeded to interrogate her about how they know each other, in what capacity and why they were having conversations at night considering she knew he was a married man. She hesitated to give me straight answers which I must admit aggravated me; I was pretty abusive and made it very clear I did not want her to have contact with my husband. She persisted to act calm and tried to convince me that there was nothing sinister between her and my husband.

Maurice asks,

Why did you not give her time to tell her story, from your description it seems you dominated the conversation?

She replies,

Maurice I was angry, paranoid and praying that my husband of 8 years was not cheating on me. I had asked her how old she is and she said she was 26, that did not help and I think we both know why? I consider myself an attractive 38 year old but like many women sometimes younger women are not usually welcome around our husband’s. Anyway, everything went south when I called again in the evening and this time a man answered. I had indulged in a few tots so I was not rational at that point. I asked him who he was and he confirmed that he was the mystery young woman’s husband. He asked what was going on because by that time I had opened a can of worms that I was to later regret. I told him everything I knew and I forwarded him about 18 texts that were between my husband and his wife. He read them and the last thing I remember was him thanking me and telling me his wife would not be bothering us again.

Maurice comments,

Please tell me that the news doesn’t get worse, I have a mental picture of the variables and they are not good.

She replies,

Maurice, my husband at around midnight called me and told me he was at a hospital tending to a friend, I asked him who it was, to my shock it was her, little did I know that she was a client who provides training services where my husband works. At the time I was making the second call on Friday night, my husband was at a product launch party, he and a few other colleagues received calls that their friend was in hospital due to domestic violence.

I dashed to the hospital where we spent a good 3 hours, she had been beaten badly and her husband had gone underground. I feel terrible, I feel weak as a woman, guilty and responsible because as we sat there waiting to see her, my husband let the cat out of the box and told me that she was actually assisting him to organize our anniversary. It hit me that my suspicion was nothing but a loving husband trying to surprise his wife.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband know about the sequence of events that led to this unfortunate incident?

She replies,

Yes I told him by the end of our hospital visit. He was very quiet in the car on our way home but I could see he was hurting. I also went quiet not wanting to spark any quarrel after all it was my fault that his friend was beaten. We woke up on Saturday, we had breakfast and he kissed me as he left the house. He had errands to perform and I went on with my day. At around 3pm I tried his phone and I couldn’t get through. By 6pm I must have called him over 40 times but his phone was off. Before midnight I received a text from him and it read “I have been a faithful husband for 8 years and after all those years you would question my loyalty to you I do not think I know you anymore”. I attempted to call him back but I guess he switch off his phone after sending the text.

It was a bad call on my part I accept. I shouldn’t have let my insecurities influence my actions. In 8 years, we have never once doubted each other nor have we had such a major fall out. Please, I can’t lose him, I am sorry and if I have to make it up to him for the rest of my life I will. How do I get him back, I know he doesn’t trust me right now?

Maurice replies,

First question, how is the woman doing, have you followed her recovery?

She replies,

She is stable, that’s all the nurse could tell me. As I said, it was pretty bad. She sustained deep cuts to her face. I have been visiting her everyday hoping to meet my husband at the hospital and tell him that I am very sorry.

Maurice replies,

Your first obvious error was to ‘seek’ because whenever you seek you will find what you want to find. However innocent a text or email may be if your mind is already set to find the worst you will for sure read things out of context. It is common with couples, hence why I do not advocate nor tolerate that behavior of scrolling through your partner’s phone. In life if someone is yours meaning they would rather be with you than be else where, it will be evident. You never have to force anyone’s hand to be with you, that’s my motto. In regards to the unfortunate incident, yes you played a part and that was speaking to the husband but you could not have predicted that he would react in such a brutal manner. Your husband did not ask for a divorce, he just sent you a text that reflected his feelings at the time so give him space. Sooner or later he will come home and it will be for you to ask for his forgiveness. If you can’t get through to him once he turns up let me know I might be able to help. One thing is clear, you will need to earn his trust again; you crashed it when you started snooping around. For a while he will not feel as free socially as he was before when you are together and hopefully in time if you don’t show signs of insecurity you relationship bond will prevail.

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