mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

  I am 26 years old and I have been married for 5 months. I can not complain my man treats me well as I would expect but I am so worried about our future. I have heard so such from women who have been married for decades and the similarities are too many for me to ignore. I wanted your opinion on a few facts or myths and for you to explain in details why these challenges may not affect me in the future.

Maurice asks,

When you say ‘you have heard a lot from married women’, is this information you have received over the years or is it a recent occurrence?

She replies,

Well, I have had a chat with my mother and aunties and they have given me a rough idea of what I should expect and how I should conduct myself towards my husband but I also joined a women’s chama group a few months ago and that has been my main source of information about men. Its very worrying news if you ask me.

Maurice comments,

And so I will, what are the challenges you speak of?

She replies,

I was told not to be ignorant and accept that my man will one day commit the act of adultery, is this fact? I was told that married men have some sort of code shared between them, that once they get married the excitement we gave them as their girlfriend fizzles out after some time and that is why they stray. I was also told never to disclose what I earn and to always have a secret bank account plus make investments that he should never know about. That will be my fail safe incase the marriage doesn’t work.

Maurice replies,

Honestly, my dear, your marriage is so young the last thing it needs is an injection of bad influence. The fact is, there are more unhappy people than those who can tell you a story about their 10 to 30 years of marriage. I really do not want to speculate about your new social circle but all I can say is stick to the formula that works for you. Ask yourself, what led you to where you are today, why did you marry each other when there are plenty of other people you could have married. There’s a bond that you share and that is your common denominator. Why didn’t the women give you statistics of road accidents, God forbid, but there’s always a chance of being involved in an accident. I am even 90% sure that it’s just a small group within the women’s group that targeted you when you probably disclosed your young marriage status.

It’s unfortunate but not that many people in your lifetime especially as you get older will be glad to see you ‘happily in marriage’. And when it comes to women, you are your worst enemy. You don’t need to seclude yourself from certain characters or topics but don’t take them as gospel truth. The way our psyche works is if you plant a thought in your head long enough you will find yourself a slave to that set of mind. You will then pass on the negative energy to your husband and from that will stem small rifts that will escalate to colossal arguments.  I know you asked specific questions and in my opinion any variable is possible. Yes your husband may cheat on you but it is unfair to judge him based on actions of other men, it’s not men in general, not all men get up in the morning and go on a killing spree or rob a bank. Let me ask you and be bold about your answer, why did you ‘really’ marry your husband?

She replies,

Before we got married we were friends for 4 years then dated for a year. He is still my friend that has not changed. He still surprises me with gifts which started way before we decided to date. In short he has always been there for me.

Maurice says,

There you go; you have just outlined your foundation that formed your union. Please do not let anyone or anything break that bond. As I said you are going to hear terrible stories about men but never go home and see your man in that light. I am a very big believer of “if someone wants to be with you for the rest of their life”, then they will limit the probabilities of spoiling that future. It’s out of your control. Live each day as it comes and be thankful to have each other. You have years to groom your husband into the man you know he can be. It’s only been 5 months do not allow for other external forces to shake your marital foundation. I will wait for a positive emails from you in 5 years to come. Be well, love each other and stay safe.