mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am in a real twist and I need your help to figure out things in my life. I have been dating someone going onto 3 years now and it has been exciting but in the last 4 months I have been trying to slow things down in relation to our overly active kinky lifestyle. I have been hinting that I want to settle down with her but she has resisted claiming that we are fine as we are. She even put me in a situation where I had to make her choose between me and her girlfriend.

Maurice asks,

Interesting, what do you mean by her choosing between you and her girlfriend?

He replies,

One of the things I liked about her when we met is that she is bi-sexual and I love that in a woman. A few months ago we met this girl who she has been sexually involved with within the confines of my home but I never felt threatened until she walked out when I asked her to choose between us.

Maurice asks,

What is made you feel like settling down?

He replies,

It hit me that I have attended so many of my friends weddings, to be precise four close pals have married. I feel like its my turn. There is also pressure from family to bring them a girl.

Maurice replies,

Many people get to that point in their life where they feel like they need to fulfill some right of passage but you must ask yourself if you truly understand what marriage is. The reason I say this is because I meet plenty of married folk who are regretful, depressed, miserable and bored. Many of them looking for avenues to leave or psychologically detach themselves from their marriage, and when I say many I mean about 90% of people in marriage. I am not trying to discourage you but I need to highlight the facts that I deal with. But most of all I want to deal with your relationship dynamic. From the little you have shared I can tell that you are in a functional relationship based on mutual likes between you and your woman. However I fear, if you do get married your change of mindset within marriage will damage your bond. For example, if you do marry her, will carry on as usual or will you ask her to change?

He replies,

To some degree I will want her to change. I need her to be the mother of our future children. So her dressing and mannerisms will have to change, I mean that is standard rite?

Maurice replies,

That is the problem right there. These so called ‘serious’ relationship are detrimental to others. You want to marry her and you also expect her to conform in accordance to ‘unwritten’ societal rules of how a married woman should conduct herself. That in my opinion is absolute bollocks. I can imagine you will want her to kill her sexual persona or will you allow her to be herself?

He replies,

I know I can’t have a wife who goes around kisses other women so she will have to give up that lifestyle at some point.

Maurice replies,

I can see why she is resisting your advances to settle down. Let me break down, you currently have a woman who facilitates in relation to your sexual preferences. You enjoy watching her make out with other women and I am sure you indulge in threesomes and more, am I on the right track?

He replies,

Yes, this is our current lifestyle.

Maurice replies,

And you are trying to convince me that you will sacrifice your fetishes and have a content life with one woman, is that what you are saying?

He replies,

Don’t judge me but I will still have that life but with other women. We both know that in the African setting your wife can’t behave like a whore, plus the respect I will grant her will not allow me to look at her in the same way. I need her to be my home maker.

Maurice replies,

With all due respect, that is rubbish. This is why women end up with a raw deal. I am glad that you are being honest but it also proves that you are already preparing your mindset and perceptions towards her to change. Once she becomes your wife you will over time cease to view her as your sexual mate, she will stop being your ‘fun factor’ and that is why you are honest enough to state that you will explore your sexual preferences with other women. Is she aware that you think of her as a whore?

He replies,

I don’t mean it literally. I just need her to act like a wife. But at the moment we are not even talking. Could she be in love with that girl?

Maurice replies,

I don’t think it is appropriate to call your woman a whore and yet if she changes to this morally up right wife you won’t even want to have sex with her. You are embarking on a journey to corrupt your mind towards your woman and that will gradually create a rift between you. My friend, if indeed she is in love with the girl then you might be in more trouble than you think. There is a much higher chance of getting your woman back if she is having an affair with another man, but when it is another woman you will need a miracle to get her back. Take it from me, I have seen grown men crying after realizing that they have lost their woman to another woman. To add to injury, your display of insecurity when you asked her to choose did not help your course. It made you look weak. Give her time to decide what she really wants. I recommend that you rethink your settling down dynamic, let it be inclusive. We both know if you kill her personality you will only seek sexual pleasures and adventures from other women. But if you desperately need to get married to someone who you can control, why not find a conservative submissive character, just saying. I do not subscribe to terminating a woman’s persona and sexual liberation for selfish reasons. If you will it, you can have best of both Worlds with one woman. There is no logical reason for you to mold a woman into someone you will cease to have a desire for. It makes no sense.

He replies,

I hear you bro. Thank you for your comments. I will take a break for a few months and hopefully rethink like you said.

Never ever sacrifice your character for anyone, your decision will come back and haunt you later in life. They say opposites attract, that is bull crap, not useless you are trying to light a bulb!