mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am an avid fan of your work.

I have been married for 9 years. My husband and I have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. I love my family but I have reached a cross road and I need your advice on how best to handle my dilemma.

Maurice asks,

What is the dilemma?

She replies,

I am 35, and when I met my husband I was 23, very much in love with a fellow woman. We had dated for 3 years. Pressure from my parents was mounting, they completely dismissed my bi-curious somewhat lesbian lifestyle. Mother understood but she had to side with her husband and extended family. Maurice, that was the beginning of my fake life. I have never really been in love with my husband. All I know is that he has been a good man to me and an extremely dedicated father to our children. I thought I could learn to love him but that has not been the case. Our sex life has suffered since day one, even though I am sometimes attracted to other men, I have never found my husband sexually attractive. We have sex once every two month and we have even gone for almost one year without sex. Because of this, he has had several affairs that I know of but I have never confronted him. He deserves to be happy like any other man so I ignore his infidelity. I have felt trapped for the last 7 years, at the point I knew I could never love him the way I should. How do I gain my freedom and how do I explain to my children that I need to live a separate life from their father?

Maurice asks,

Does this mean you want to leave your marriage and have you had your own affair within your marriage?

She replies,

What are my options Maurice. I have lived a lie for too long but my worry is my children. I have had two occasions where I had sex with my former girlfriend who now lives in the UK. She has been home twice in the last 7 years and every time she has been around we have hooked up. There was a time I almost had a one night stand but on the night I backed out. The guy was married and I wasn’t ready to get onto that roller coaster.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband seem happy, is he content with your current living setting?

She replies,

He looks happy, we used to fight a lot about sex but after he begun to sort himself out I can say he is happier than before, we have not fought about sex in over a year. We still do family things and for some reason he still plays his part as my husband and takes me out on dinners and holidays. Like I said, he is a good man.

Maurice replies,

I have dealt with similar cases and the only way for both of you to have fulfillment is for you to tell him the truth. It is the only way for you to maintain your family structure without disrupting your children. It has worked for many couples and I am sure with my mediation it can work for you. Unless your husband is the most selfish man on earth of which I doubt, once he has the facts, I do not see him refusing to mold a lifestyle that suits both of you. The idea is to find the best formula for you and him to co-exist under the same roof.

She replies,

I already feel a sense of relief that there is an avenue we can take. I know my husband will be willing to meet you because he has always sighted that we should consult with a relationship expert but I have always been reluctant because I did not want to meet a traditional counselor who would more or less force me to try and love my husband which would mean living in misery for the rest of my life.

Maurice, if I may ask, why do we have such conducive rules for our African men and yet what I am asking for is given to men free of charge, it is not even a debatable subject when it comes to men. Men can live their family life and still have another fulfilling life outside marriage, why do we women have to beg for the same conditions.

Maurice replies,

I am a liberal, that is a question for the majority conservative men who form our African society. If it were up to me the playing field would be level.

She replies,

Noted.

Maurice asks,

So to be clear, during the mediation you want your husband to give you the freedom to date, is that correct?

She replies,

I want him to know that my feelings for my ex lover are still there and she feels the same. She is willing to relocate for me because I told her I can’t leave my children. But at first we would commit to our long distance relationship until she can figure out her career options in Kenya. She has also tried dating men since we parted and it has failed to work for her too. That is why I know where my heart lies. Let me talk to my husband and schedule our session for possibly next week. I will leave the handling of the mediation to you. Please, make this work for us, for me.

OPEN SESSION in March

For those interested in attending my open session please contact me on 0720229351, you can call or Whatsapp me (serious people only).