I have been with a man I am in love with for 7 years. We have 3 kids. Our wedding is scheduled to take place in 3 weeks time. I have been waiting for this ceremony for years, thinking about my special day and finally mid last year he went down on one knee and proposed. It was such a romantic setting, he put so much effort in his presentation but that is where the good news ends. A week ago I discovered that my husband to be has been sleeping around with his workmate.
Maurice asks,
How do you know this?
She replies,
She called out of what she referred as courtesy and told me that I am not taking her man away from her. She gave detailed accounts of their affair. I was in shock as I listened I couldn’t even respond to her revelation. I feel like its my fault, like I have not been enough for him. Why would he do this to me and yet right now he is so enthusiastic about our wedding day. I thought I understood men but clearly I do not.
Maurice asks,
Is he aware that you know?
She replies, Yes I confronted him when he got home that same night.
Maurice asks,
What did he say?
She replies,
He said he was only after sex, he told me not to make a big deal out of it after all he has been providing. Should I continue with our plans to wed or let him enjoy and move on?
Maurice asks,
For you to be asking it means you see staying as an option.
She replies,
Maurice, I should be really mad with him but I am not. I am just disappointed. I would have let him have his cake and eat it too if only he had asked. I would have picked the girl for him and had her tested just to please him.
Maurice replies,
Your school of thought is not shared by majority of women but am curious to why you would go to that length?
I dated six men before my husband and they were worse because they never cared for me, four of them were physical with me, I was sad for a long while, so when I met my man he was my dream come true but my mother told me after our fourth year that if ever I saw the signs I should control my environment by giving him what he wants instead of him cheating. But I never saw the signs and I never had the talk with him so he was not aware of what I would be willing to do to keep him happy.
Maurice asks,
Are you saying you would accept a second wife scenario?
She replies,
No, no, no. My man has always been quite sexual so containing his desire for sex has never been successful. The idea would be to give him his once in a while treat or thrill, whatever you want to call it. I know many men like cheap thrills.
Maurice replies,
Well, I believe you already know what your next move is and our dialogue is more or less about you seeking some form of affirmation. Considering the lengths you are willing to take to keep him in your life. I suggest you have that talk that you should have had years ago. This is assuming you want to stay with him.
She replies,
What if he continues to see his workmate?
Maurice replies,
Let me just say that what you are willing to do for your man is probably the best gift a man can receive in the context of sexual freedom, so if your man refuses to take up your more than generous offer and continues seeing his workmate then it will confirm that their relation is more than just sex. Stipulate what you are willing to live with then his response thereafter will map out your future.
She replies,
Thank you.
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Maurice there are things I could not handle but I love your advice, you must been level headed to deal with the situations you encounter
Why I read your blog is because you dont sugar coat and you highlight the different scenarios that occur in relationships, some are hard to swallow but its the reality of relationships
Because of the abuse she feels that she cannot do better? It’s really sad. I commend her for the lengths she is willing to go to in order to save her marriage and walk down the isle. She needs to make sure that they sort out everything because his workmate will not let the wedding go through smoothly. Best of luck and enjoy your beautiful day.
Men are naturally polygynous…naturally! The end…
it hurts.