I am an avid reader of your blog and would like to get some heads up on a situation that I am in. Please be honest. I am 22 and a University student. I am also the reigning Miss University. I met a married man, who is 14 years older than me, during my first year and we fell in love. He loved me dearly and since he had issues with his wife, they parted ways. He used to update me on everything he did to the point that I knew everything going on in their dysfunctional relationship. We used to see each other almost daily especially when he was married. My problem is that, at that time I was in love with him but now I feel like I just like him. We have fought several times but he always apologizes and promises to love me to death. He has taken me to his parents and sisters and we gets along well with them.
In the previous relationship he had a son who comes to visit us after a while but I do not like the idea at all. He pays for the son’s school fees of which I am not happy about. I once told him that as long as I am with him I will never sacrifice my children’s living standards because of his son. He had no problem with that and he promised to take care of me and our future children. Another thing is that my Ex boyfriend who has been my soul mate has kept contact with me for almost four years now since we broke up and despite knowing that I have been living with this man, he has always said he loves me but he is engaged. We meet sometimes in town for coffee and communicate during the day and at night I cut down communication to avoid fights with my current man. At times I feel like I do not want my current man because of the child he had in the previous relationship. I feel like I have all the chances to get myself a man who does not have a child. I hate the feeling and despite being treated well by my man am still not yet settled. I love him but the fact that he has a son puts me off and it makes me feel like I do not really want to get married to him.
Maurice replies,
I believe that your union’s foundation was based on mutual excitement, on the thrill factor. You were thrilled by dating an older man and he was thrilled to have a young woman in his arms. You knew he was married and you knew that he had a son. In short, you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. In my opinion your mutual feelings of love were masked by infatuation. As you have said he was always open with you yet you have kept contact with your ex boyfriend as if subconsciously knowing that you were not fully committed to this man. Meaning that you have be dishonest and you seem to be on a mission to damage people’s relationships.
It is totally selfish of you to attempt to disconnect this man from his son. If anything you should be supportive and act with the maternal instincts that should come naturally to you or so I speculate. Your partner has an obligation to support and care for his son. That said, the real question is are you prepared to be a mother figure to this little boy, based on your sentiments I would guess that you are not. I urge you to think about your future, what do you really want. If you cannot love and
raise another woman’s child then you must leave the relationship. The bond between father and son should not be severed by you and your conditions. You either adapt to the relationship settings or you leave.
Let me break it down to you, you met a man who was married and now you live with him. You loved him once upon a time but now you feel like you only ‘like me’. You are also in contact with your ex which I doubt is merely based on friendship or some notion of being a soul mate. We all know where most coffee dates end up! And to top it all off you want to deny a little boy his bond with his Dad.
Young lady, as much as you called your man’s previous relationship ‘dysfunctional’, I would like to point out that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, I believe you get my drift. Make the right choice and refrain from breaking other people’s relationships. You wanted honesty, there it is.
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that right there is a potential step mom……the ruthless kind that hurt a kid just because it isnt theirs…Mateso ya Mama wa Kambo.Kudos Maurice for telling that Jezebel the truth……….
Wow!This is a very confused and selfish one! Woman,you ruin sb’s marriage,want to deny the innocent boy who was in his life before you his birthright to get fatherly love and now yu r involved witj your ex?smh, the future is very grim with loneliness and bitterness!Women like yu irk me bcz yu give the rest of us a bad name! Maurice cant help yu,contact a shrink!
What a devil! Did she actually say she is against a father’s relationship with his son? That she has problem with him paying school fees for him? She is toxic and needs to get out of that relationship like yesterday. I hope the guy gets himself a decent woman. Bitch, you need to be bitch slapped.
Ooh what a confused woman!!
Bitch Please! Maurice, you have given it to her real good!
who do you want to pay school fees for this boy?… . be a good natured woman.