Dear Maurice,
I am a 30 year old married man. My wife and I are blessed with two kids: a boy and a girl. When we got married I was earning good money and life was good, but as soon as I started experiencing cash shortages we started having disagreements with my wife. She has gone to the extent of threatening to leave me, saying that I am meaningless to her. She avoids me in bed and when she allows for intimacy she keeps telling me to hurry up and finish quickly, so I do not even enjoy it. I have thought of looking for another woman, but being a born again Christian and a pastor for that matter, I know that option would not be taken well by the church. Please help me because I do not want to go past my matrimonial bed to anyone else.
Maurice replies,
I have read your letter and in doing so it has raised questions that require clarification to avoid speculation. Even though you say that your wife began to retreat from your affection after you started to experience financial problems I feel as if there may be other factors that lead her to distance herself from you. There are cases where if a lifestyle is altered then human characteristics also change but without your wife’s side of the story it is mere speculation at this point.
There must be a core cause of your current marital predicament and I believe the truth can only be found if the two of you can have a candid chat about it. It is very common for couples to mask the core problem with other on going issues. If you can trust each other enough to create a platform of dialogue where you can both vent all that needs to be said without judgement then when all the issues have been tabled you will be closer to establishing a way forward. I also want you to consider external help through counseling, why? Because it may be the only other avenue where you can both open up in the presence of a neutral person.
My other concern is that you have already thought of infidelity to satisfy your sexual craving, it is common amongst men, which leads me to ask if your sexual attraction for your wife has slowly dwindled?
In my opinion in marriage it is the bad choices you make, made by both parties, that complicate the sanctity. In your case seeking sexual satisfaction else where may seem like a good option but I would advise you exhaust dialogue first. Men are sexual beings and need a woman’s touch to keep them sane and grounded. But like I said exhaust dialogue before giving up. If your wife is a good listener she will do her part to make you feel relevant as her man in your relationship.
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