Dear Maurice,
I do hope this finds you well. I want to thank you for your advise during our session with my wife last year. We both left with clarity of what we needed to commit to and I believe I have done my part since we last met you. After spending what I thought was a perfect Valentines with my wife she shocked me on the following Monday when she told me she was leaving me. We had spent the weekend in Watamu and according to me it was a memorable time. I cannot believe that after everything she did to me by having an affair she has decided to leave yet I had forgiven her and move on hoping to salvage our marriage and spend the rest of my life with her as I once vowed.
Maurice asks,
What triggered her to reveal such news after your weekend break together?
He replies,
I asked her why now, I asked her why didn’t she leave me last year when I caught her cheating. She told me that she had planned to leave me after Valentines. She wanted to give me a weekend to remember before she left. That is probably the most gruel thing that anyone has ever done to me. Just as you had advised last year I had altered my mindset so that I can give our marriage a new lease of life only for her to turn around and drop a bomb shell. Matheka I have been nothing but loyal to that woman for the last 17 years and now she has turned my World upside down.
Maurice asks,
Where is she?
He replies,
She moved out and is now living with her boyfriend as she calls him.
Maurice asks,
You mean the same man she had an affair with?
Yes. How could she leave me for him. She confidently told me that he was the man for her and that she had invested in an apartment, without my knowledge if I may add, where they are living together. It is hurtful to hear from your own wife that she has never connected with you the way another man does. She was bond enough to tell me that our sex life could never compare with what she has now. How can a woman who you gave everything be so heartless.
Maurice replies,
This makes no sense. You both looked committed to the marriage. She was so remorseful at our sessions, if anything I recall her saying she was ashamed of her actions because you were her college sweetheart, her soul mate, the man who stood by her no matter what for all those years.
He replies,
I guess she was not as committed. She has moved in with a man and left me with the kids. I know our kids are grown and resilient but how do you just up and leave and try justify by saying the kids have known for a long time that their parents have problems. What kind of mother does that! That man she is living with is even jobless, she provides for him. I just don’t get it. Now I see why my male friends always warned me about being overly good to a woman. Most of them have affairs with other women and I was the good husband who evidently gets rewarded with back stabbing action for his loyalty. Matheka how do you do it? How do you trust another human being in this case women with all the cases you must have dealt with? I am perplexed and annoyed, was it all worth it. I feel I should have been the bastard of my marriage maybe then I would still have my wife in my life. Is that what women crave, a man who constantly breaks all his vows and their hearts. From my perspective it seems so.
Maurice replies,
I know some women do not deserve the men they have but please don’t label every woman as your wife. If you remember I told both of you that only your mutual choices and dedication will make sure that your marriage prevails. Clearly your wife had other plans considering she had set in motion plans to create another home for herself. In life you cannot vet the one you fall in love with and neither are you assured that your love for each other will mutually survive. Love alone does not solidify marriage or any relationship. Constant partnership and communication is the key that drives the wheel of matrimony.
When I first met you I could tell who was in the relationship to stay, you showcased a persona of a man who everyday makes it his duty to remind his woman how beautiful she is, a man who takes his husband duties as serious as he takes his career, and that was confirmed by your wife. I quote her, she could not fault you at all, you were her perfect man. There is no justification for her actions but in the context of relationship dynamics she may have felt over powered by your natural love for her. Yes, it makes no sense but trust me couples leave each other for the oddest of reasons. No one is guaranteed what people call eternal love or long term partnership.
He replies,
I have somehow in all the confusion accepted that she has left my life but how do I move on, how do I start all over again unless I commit to loneliness?
Maurice replies,
My good man it would be easy for me to tell you to move on like her and have fun and meet new women but that is not the practical solution. What you need is a fresh start, easier said than done but you must strive to find what really makes you happy, it could be a hobby, it could be something you used to do but stopped when you got committed to married life. Make yourself happy first and if you are lucky to meet someone who will add to that joy let that be a bonus. Humans have a habit of seeking happiness from external forces, you then rely on someone to make you happy. That should never be the case.
He replies,
I hear you Matheka. Thank you for allowing me to share my story.
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this is plainly sad.:(
Men should keep women on toes by playing with their emotions. Good men only receive the above.
Maurice I read between the lines, women don’t appreciate the gentleman they all claim they want. This story just confirms it.
Gosh! What do we want???????????????????
ur sorry feels kind of funny bt am sorry for ur loss… i wish u saw it coming cz u hv been a fool all dis whyl. ur wife had a project she had to finish i.e extorting ur money to feed dat stupid imbesile… next tym b very careful once she broke ur trust u shld hv been wiser then (mjanja) and realiz dat ONCE A PLAYER, ALWAYS A PLAYER… Hp u move on quik..
never be blinded by a woman
i agree with ian women should be under a mans control
never be predicable and dont be soft
in my home i am greeted at the door whenever i arrive
there can only be one master
Im just glad Maurice is the one giving advice
Poor man
It’s really sad that she actually justified waiting until after Valentine’s day to break up with him. She should have done it when she cheated on him last year. But then again, who are we to judge? Just tell this guy to take his time to heal his mind, body and soul.Or else he might turn out to be one of those idiots we see out there. Don’t turn in to a dog because of a bitch. Don’t let her drag you down to her level. Be you.
how sad she is throwing away what others would give an arm and leg for
Ian i totally agree with you,its funny what women keep advocating for but in real sense they cant handle it. I feel so sad for this guy,Maurice if possible link him up with social groups that can keep him busy and assist him in healing for we all know time is the best healer.
you have to continue with your life…and find someone who will treat and love you as you deserve…sorry man such is life
“the man who stood by her no matter what for all those years”…
Maurice, I can’t imagine how many of these you see bro…real, good men who go the full distance only to have women show their ass!! Damn! It’s not in our nature to share our (men) pain publicly, so there are many of us who know, and have been through what that brother has gone through. To all real, good men out there never take any shit from women, and anyone for that matter, don’t deal with entitlement, such sociopathic behaviour. And never give your all to a woman….EVER!!! Not as most of them are now which can be argued is as a result of socialisation on diverse fronts. Take care of your hearts brothers. As for the bro who shared with as that story, you’re not alone guy, be strong, take care of your kids, find that resolve again to live life to the full…but NEVER let that woman in again, cut her off, kabisa!!! Thanks Maurice, shit is crazy nowadays man!!
PS: You can fall for a woman, with all your heart, but, never let her know…ever!
I see you blaming the woman but what’s your part in it? She gets great sex from her lover so clearly, this was missing in the marriage. Perhaps you drove her to his arms? Who knows? Rather than blaming her, evaluate your marriage. When she cheated, you should have got to the root cause of her cheating. Women do not cheat just for the fun of it. There are always underlying issues that drive them to other men’s arms. Blaming her only puts you in a pathetic situation as you are not willing to acknowledge your part in it. Trying to shame her for leaving especially since the kids are grown only proves who you really are. As she stated, the kids were already aware that the marriage was on the rocks. Looks like you were in denial. She does not owe her happiness to her kids. I applaud her for moving on.