mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 6 years with 2 children. My husband has provided for his family as expected and he has been a good husband and father to our children. I met my husband 8 years ago while studying abroad. He was also pursuing further education in the same University. We met and within a period of 5 months we started to date. By the end of a year we were in-love with each other and planning our future which has led us to this point.

Maurice asks,

So what seems to be the issue?

She replies,

What I have recently found out is that my husband had a secret life.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by that?

She replies,

My husband runs his own business and every year he makes business trips to Europe and the Far East and what I have unveiled is that during those trips he pays a visit to a certain woman whom they have a child together. What is clear is that the child was born during our first year together while studying abroad.

Maurice asks,

How did you find out?

She replies,

A few weeks ago I was clearing out our garage and I happened to come across a rectangular box which was well hidden, filled with curiosity I went through it. Only to find letters that date back 10 years. These letters were correspondence between my husband and this other woman. As I read through them I realized that their bond was more than just a fling. I suspect they were in-love but something went wrong and was kept a secret hence why he never spoke of her. That said, they have kept in-touch despite their fall out. I found photos of a child, that child is my husband’s son.

Maurice asks,

Is your husband aware that you know about his past?

She replies,

The other day I kind of brought up a hypothetical scenario where I asked if there was anything in our past would we be able to talk about it freely as a trusting couple. I know my husband’s reactions and his face was light up with guilt, he avoided eye contact with me and he even attempted to change the topic. I did my best not to show it but I felt betrayed. After 6 years of marriage here is a man I worship as my husband but he could not confide in me and tell me about his past. He should have told me and I would have understood and supported him. How do I continue pretending I don’t know about his secret family and what impact will it have if I reveal that I know?

Maurice replies,

Like many men who fear unknown repercussion your husband years ago decided to manage his secret alone. Right now how you handle your approach will determine your future. I recommend that you calming and rationally reveal what you know without judgment. It is paramount that your husband feels that you are on his side and you want to hear his side of the story and that you are behind him 100%. At that point let him be so that he can open up at his own time without pressure.