mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

For the last 7 months my husband’s social routine has had a drastic change and I am worried that he may be doing things behind my back.

Maurice asks,

What makes you suspect him?

She replies,

He has become pretty distant in sharing with me his weekend activities, before he would be open with information and keep our communication link open but nowadays I am having to really pry to get through to him. It’s important for you to know that my husband is 16 years my senior. I was married off by the age of 18. I am 29 with 4 kids. He is very intimidating and I fear confronting him because he is a highly temperamental man.  In short I do not have much say in this marriage I guess that has been our way of life.

Maurice replies,

But you haven’t said what makes you sense a change in his character?

She replies,

Where do I start, a few months ago I found suspicious receipts that implied he had evening meals at certain venues in Nakuru where we live and in Nairobi. I further investigated and found hotel payments on his credit card. When I recall the dates, he had told me that he was out on business or had drunk too much so he could not drive back home so he opted to stay at a Hotel. Even before finding all this evidence I had suspected that his behavior had suddenly changed late last year.

Maurice replies,

Despite your fear of his reaction have you questioned his behavior change without revealing how much you know?

She replies,

Every time I bring it up he says that I am the one who has changed due to unfounded insecurities that I have developed. He is impossible to get through to at the moment. It is really stressing me. I spoke to my mother and she was of no help because she reminded me that I have allowed my husband to rule my life for far too long. I know she has a point but I did not expect her to dismiss me the way she did.

Maurice replies,

I’m assuming apart from your current disconnection with you husband he at least provides for his family?

She replies,

Thankfully when it comes to me and our children he provides every thing we need, my children are comfortable, in a good school and are loved by their father, however as a wife I am extremely worried about our future and lonely. I worry for my safety in regards to diseases that he may transmit to me if he is cheating when he is out there. I fear making a fuss to the point I am chased from our home, my husband is our life line, I only have him to depend on. In your honest opinion what are my options?

Maurice replies,

Relationships are all about mutual communication that is not forced upon someone. I recommend that you email or hand write a very sincere calm and collected letter highlighting all your concerns in your marriage, especially about your state of loneliness, you have a husband you should not be lonely. Easier said than done but please humble yourself in the letter so that your husband does not feel pressured or prejudged. If indeed he truly cares he will respond, tell him to be honest however blunt and painful it may be, it will be appreciated. You must create a baseline where he can open up so you can hear his side of the story. Be prepared to most likely hear things about your marriage that you may rather not know but at least the truth will be out.

For your own peace of mind it is paramount that you know your status, receive a check up for any STDs or STIs.