mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,                                      

I have been married for 10 years; it will be 11 years later this year in August. My husband and I have 4 kids. I am 38 and he is 45.

The reason why I seek your help is because my marriage for the last 2 years has been with bars between myself and my husband.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by bars between you?

She replies,

Four year ago my husband was involved in a company scandal where a substantial about of money vanished. He was not one of the lucky ones. He and others were convicted and he specifically was sentenced to 3 years in prison.

Maurice asks,

How can I help in this scenario?

She replies,

Well,

I have been living a lie with my family, telling my kids that their father is abroad. It was easier to maintain the story but now questions are being raised, like why they can’t talk to their daddy on phone or via skype.

Maurice replies,

So what has been your cover story regarding the lack of communication with their father?

She replies,

I have told them that their father is in a very remote place and that they will later this year be able to talk to him once he arrives to a destination where he can access communication devices. I am ashamed of our situation, it’s so hard to live like this but at the same time I don’t want our children to see their father as a convict. If it got out in our community and at school I am sure the children would be victimized.

Maurice replies,

I can only imagine what you are going through however I still don’t see how I can be of assistance?

She replies,

Apart from my children, I want to survive his prison term and continue to be his wife however he has told me that he can’t live with the guilt of what he was involved in so he wants a divorce. Since his sentencing I have been a loyal dedicated wife, visiting him and making sure that he is well treated behind bars. How can he after 2 years just decide that he wants to walk away from our marriage? I have supported him by his side over the years and forgiven him. All I want is my family back together. To make things worse he has confessed to having a 7 year affair and having a child with another woman. Despite all that I still stand by him and I will do anything to maintain the family togetherness.

Maurice asks,

Is your husband wanting to leave you for his mistress or is the guilt the primary reason?

She replies,

He says that he feels for her but he is not in-love with her. As per what he has told me he has not been in-touch with her since his imprisonment. How true that is I really don’t know. What I do know for a fact is that I put my heart and soul into this marriage. When I met my husband 16 years ago it was for keeps. It was to be him till death do us part. I know you counsel couples so I would like you to counsel us through letters to him to explain to him how much he means to me. How much the kids miss him. Honesty I don’t know how you will go about it but I urge you to try and help save my marriage.

Maurice replies,

My dear it’s clear you will go to any length to save your marriage and I would love to help you however I can only do so once your husband is released. No amount of communication via mail will allow me to truly assess his true feelings. Our dialogue has to be face to face and a prison visit or visits is not a viable option either.

It is also important that you prepare yourself for the worst scenario, apart from guilt, incarceration in itself has been known to change men, for now I can only speculate and go by studies that have documented psychological changes in some inmates. The future and eventuality of your marriage will only be determined by the events that follow once your husband is a free man.