mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

My husband is a typical African man; we have been together inclusive of dating for 7 years. In July it will be our fourth anniversary if he remembers this year that is.

Maurice asks,

Before you continue may I assume you take your husband for who he is?

She replies,

Yes I do, it’s not easy living with a man who pretends not to know where the kitchen is and he has never washed a dish in our home.

Maurice asks,

What attracted you to his unorthodox character?

She replies,

I guess it was his way with words, how he treated me like a lady from the beginning and still does but I can’t stand how he eats in-front of people. I don’t mind when we are in our home but when we are in public I expect him to eat in a manner that a man of his statue ought to eat. It’s like eating next to an animal.

Maurice asks,

In the last year or so has your lifestyle changed, if I may, are your pockets deeper than when you first met?

She replies,

I don’t see how that is your business but I will say that our life style has been upgraded.

Maurice comments,

For me to deduce where the real issue is I must ask uncomfortable questions otherwise I will be doing you a disservice, forgive me for intruding. However, I can bet that your new life has changed your mind set towards your husband. You started by describing your man as a typical African. The only woman who does that is one that accepted her man as he is. You then implied he forgets your special day, but it’s more a remark rather than a complaint. Finally you contradicted your persona towards your husband by saying that you ‘expect’ him to have some form of etiquette, you didn’t use that word but that’s what you meant. My advise to you my dear is you have taken your man on a long 6 year journey, taken his flaws, his traditional believes, may I remind you that you embraced his personality and walked up an aisle and said I do. I am only speculating but I feel your husband may have embarrassed you, more than once, at functions that meant something to you, would I be right?

She replies,

Yes he has and he refused to apologise when we get home, especially after the latest one. We never make a scene in public but I expected an apology after he did not excuse himself from the table and let one off. He then proceeded to eat as if he had done nothing; his only comment was “all humans do it”, a few people found it amusing but for me it was disrespectful and disgusting. Some of those that attended were senior work colleagues. I am trying to climb the ladder at work so we have been attending functions together but I don’t need the embarrassment. I know I accepted him for the man he is but can’t he be considerate and excuse himself in such a scenario. What do you tell a man who tells you that all people remove bowel gases and an apology is out of the question because it’s a natural bodily reaction.

Maurice,

This is what you do. Sit down with you husband, tell him that you have for years accepted him for who he is but you would like him to excuse himself so that he can FedEx his bowel gases in private. Your husband sounds stubborn but you know him better and I’m sure you can positively manipulate him to believe that you admire his character, however because he ‘naturally’ wants to see you happy and excel if he can avoid the acts that irritate you in public. And if he does there’s going to be a ‘surprise’ for him, get creative, you know what he likes about you.

Men most of the time need to be lured (guided) or tricked to get your way or to get something done, just like training a dog, if the dog finally performs as instructed it receives a cookie.  You know your hubby so create a formula that works for you and apply as part of your lifestyle, let it not be a one off, if your husband is responsive you will witness changes over time.