Dear Maurice, 
I am 41 years old and I have been married for 2 years. Though I was married before to my first husband who past on 8 years ago. We were very much in-love and were married for 5 years before his life was cut short in a car accident. I met my current husband at a work’s function 3 years ago and we started to court and eventually dated then got married. I had been lonely for many years so when this charming man came into my life I embraced him with open arms with no hesitation.
Maurice asks,
So you found love again?
She replies,
I don’t know what I found, our first year and a few months were exciting but I would always compare him to my late husband. I was swept off my feet but the question I ask myself was if I was trying to replace my husband, of late memories of my past have started to affect my current marriage. At times I lock myself in a room at work and at home and cry over and over trying to make sense of my erratic feelings. I don’t want to forget my late husband and at the same time I owe it to my current husband to give him all my attention and love.
Maurice asks,
From what I’m hearing you never really had any form of closure with your late passing away the way he did. It can’t be easy to lose a loved one ‘a husband’ and to move on but you must consider the negative effects on your current husband. If he hasn’t notice already he will soon and he may not be willing to understand that you still mourn your late. Has your husband done anything to trigger memories of your past life?
She replies,
I don’t know if I am asking for a lot but my husband is never home as often as I would like him to be. He and my late are very different. My husband loves his social life and before we got wed we promised each other that we wouldn’t try and change each other but seeing him for the few hours I see him over the week and weekend is not enough for me. We both work and sometimes till late however my husband will pass through the local before coming home which is normally between 8pm and 10pm. When he gets home we hardly have time to catch up before we head to bed. We are not having a marriage but an existence, that’s my sentiment. How do I change his ways despite our promise to each other?
Maurice replies,
What you are saying is in comparison to your late your current is not as committed to paying you attention as you were once used to and that you haven’t voiced your concern regarding your quality time as man and wife?
She replies,
I feel short changed, he knows what I went through when my first husband died, always contemplating whether I will ever get married again and if I will ever find a man who cares and loves me the way I was once loved. It’s hard and I fear to fail in this relationship.
Maurice asks,
Do you have kids from your first marriage and are you in-love right now?
She replies,
Unfortunately we never got the chance to start a family, something I regret every day. I would have loved to have a piece of him but that was not meant to be. I’m I in-love? Well, I want to be so badly but my husband’s behavior and priorities make me wonder if I made a mistake remarrying. Oh, I forgot to mention that my husband is 4 years my junior while my late was 6 years my senior. Is my husband’s maturity one of my issues? I just don’t know where I’m heading.
Maurice replies,
You need to be strong and objective and irrespective of some promise to each other you need to confront the issues you have with your husband. Marriage without partnership, team work and a strong connection is no marriage but a state of convenience. You need to rationally address the issue one by one, once he is aware of your concerns give him space to digest the information and be patient with him. Also voice out your expectations without demanding for them, if your man genuinely cares about you he will put things into motion and in time you should witness a positive change within your home.
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