mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have a problem that I need your advice on. I am 43, my husband is 47 and we have been married for 6 years but I have known my husband for 18 years and 4 months. I can say we have had our trials and tribulations over the years but we have always found a way to stay together and to keep the marriage going for better or worse.

Maurice replies,

What is the problem?

She replies,

For the last 3 years my husband has been jokingly hinting that he would marry another wife traditionally if I allowed it. My response has always been the same “over my dead body” then he just laughs. Unfortunately what was once passing as jokes and comments might be coming to reality. Last month we traveled upcountry for what I thought was a family gathering but it ended up being a blessing ceremony for my husband to receive a new bride. I was shocked, the turn out was so overwhelming. I knew protesting was going to be futile so I waited for our return to confront him about the unannounced ceremony of which he knew I would be against. He told me if I was unhappy about it I should think of leaving because he was destined to marry again and maintaining 2 wives is not an issue.

Maurice replies,

I am a bit curious; after 18 years of knowing him, did he never mention the possibility of marrying multiple wives especially before you were wed? I am just trying to establish a character pattern.

She replies,

Well, my husband was married before.

Maurice asks,

Were you just friends while he was married or was there more, and for how long was he married?

She replies,

He was married to a friend of a friend for just over 4 years, that is how we met and fell for each other but instead of marrying me he married his ex wife but I always knew he would end up as my husband. In my eyes he went through a phase and it ended. However I was not expecting him to want another wife. He is my soul mate and I can’t foresee sharing him with another woman. Please help me convince him that I am all he needs in his life. I know I sound desperate but then again may be I am. How do I get him to see sense?

Maurice replies,

If I may ask, what caused his previous marriage to end?

She replies,

His ex wife found out about our affair and finally left him go and took her 3 year old child with her.

Maurice replies,

In my opinion you are ignoring your husband’s characteristics that led him to date you and marry another, and then his ex wife left him because of his adulterous lifestyle with you. I would hate to judge but I strongly believe your husband will marry again and there’s nothing we can do to stop it from occurring. Who influenced your marriage, was it you or him?

She replies,

If you are implying I forced our marriage you are totally wrong. My husband loves me and that is why he married me, as I said it was only a matter of time for him to notice that I was the woman for him.

Maurice replies,

My dear you are denial, you are married to a man who chooses to do as he pleases, maybe at the beginning you were indeed soul mates but right now your man’s actions imply that he wants to stroke his ego and manage two homes or 2 wives. Either way, you only have two options; to leave him or to play by his rules. You have already had a taste of being the other woman so only you know if you can live with the new parameters set by your husband. I wish I had better news but those are the facts that you need to consider.