mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have really messed things up this time round. I have turned to my close friends for help but none are sympathetic and for a good reason.  On 3rd of this month after we had all settled down in the house my husband received a call at around 7pm and decided to continue with the conversation in a different room. I was tempted to eaves drop but I didn’t. However I did hear him say “I can’t wait” then he kind of laughed. That rose my suspicious which was related to another incident that occurred 2 weeks prior and I couldn’t ignore it. When he fell asleep I went through his phone. I did not find any flirtatious texts but I had to know what was going on so I saved the number on my phone.

Maurice asks,

Did you call the number? And what incident do you speak of?

She replies,

Yes I did but not on that night I waited till the next day then at 10am I called. As for the incident I am getting to the point where everything will clear up so be patient. A woman answered and I asked her if she knew my husband and she said yes she does. I proceeded to interrogate her about how they know each other, in what capacity and why they were having conversations at night considering she knew he was a married man. She hesitated to give me straight answers which I must admit aggravated me; I was pretty abusive and made it very clear I did not want her to have contact with my husband. She persisted to act calm and tried to convince me that there was nothing sinister between her and my husband.

Maurice asks,

Why did you not give her time to tell her story, from your description it seems you dominated the conversation?

She replies,

Maurice I was angry, paranoid and praying that my husband of 8 years was not cheating on me. I had asked her how old she is and she said she was 26, that did not help and I think we both know why? I consider myself an attractive 38 year old but like many women sometimes younger women are not usually welcome around our husband’s. Anyway, everything went south when I called again in the evening and this time a man answered. I had indulged in a few tots so I was not rational at that point. I asked him who he was and he confirmed that he was the mystery young woman’s husband. He asked what was going on because by that time I had opened a can of worms that I was to later regret. I told him everything I knew and I forwarded him about 18 texts that were between my husband and his wife. He read them and the last thing I remember was him thanking me and telling me his wife would not be bothering us again.

Maurice comments,

Please tell me that the news doesn’t get worse, I have a mental picture of the variables and they are not good.

She replies,

Maurice, my husband at around midnight called me and told me he was at a hospital tending to a friend, I asked him who it was, to my shock it was her, little did I know that she was a client who provides training services where my husband works. At the time I was making the second call on Friday night, my husband was at a product launch party, he and a few other colleagues received calls that their friend was in hospital due to domestic violence.

I dashed to the hospital where we spent a good 3 hours, she had been beaten badly and her husband had gone underground. I feel terrible, I feel weak as a woman, guilty and responsible because as we sat there waiting to see her, my husband let the cat out of the box and told me that she was actually assisting him to organize our anniversary. It hit me that my suspicion was nothing but a loving husband trying to surprise his wife.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband know about the sequence of events that led to this unfortunate incident?

She replies,

Yes I told him by the end of our hospital visit. He was very quiet in the car on our way home but I could see he was hurting. I also went quiet not wanting to spark any quarrel after all it was my fault that his friend was beaten. We woke up on Saturday, we had breakfast and he kissed me as he left the house. He had errands to perform and I went on with my day. At around 3pm I tried his phone and I couldn’t get through. By 6pm I must have called him over 40 times but his phone was off. Before midnight I received a text from him and it read “I have been a faithful husband for 8 years and after all those years you would question my loyalty to you I do not think I know you anymore”. I attempted to call him back but I guess he switch off his phone after sending the text.

It was a bad call on my part I accept. I shouldn’t have let my insecurities influence my actions. In 8 years, we have never once doubted each other nor have we had such a major fall out. Please, I can’t lose him, I am sorry and if I have to make it up to him for the rest of my life I will. How do I get him back, I know he doesn’t trust me right now?

Maurice replies,

First question, how is the woman doing, have you followed her recovery?

She replies,

She is stable, that’s all the nurse could tell me. As I said, it was pretty bad. She sustained deep cuts to her face. I have been visiting her everyday hoping to meet my husband at the hospital and tell him that I am very sorry.

Maurice replies,

Your first obvious error was to ‘seek’ because whenever you seek you will find what you want to find. However innocent a text or email may be if your mind is already set to find the worst you will for sure read things out of context. It is common with couples, hence why I do not advocate nor tolerate that behavior of scrolling through your partner’s phone.

In life if someone is yours meaning they would rather be with you than be else where, it will be evident. You never have to force anyone’s hand to be with you, that’s my motto.

In regards to the unfortunate incident, yes you played a part and that was speaking to the husband but you could not have predicted that he would react in such a brutal manner. Your husband has not ask for a divorce, he just sent you a text that reflected his feelings at the time so give him space. Sooner or later he will come home and it will be for you to ask for his forgiveness. If you can’t get through to him once he turns up let me know I might be able to help. One thing is clear, you will need to earn his trust again; you crashed it when you started snooping around. For a while he will not feel as free socially as he was before when you are together and hopefully in time if you don’t show signs of insecurity you relationship bond will prevail.

*Trust is knowing or hoping your partner will make the right choices in life.          You can never force trust in a relationship.