People say that relationships are hard, they may have a point depending on what exactly is ‘hard’ about a particular relationship!
In my opinion, relationships are NOT hard, what makes it hard are the choices we make within a relationship. A healthy relationship is meant to be a journey you take together through the good and bad its not supposed to be a season of Prison Break.
Lets look at TRUST (not the condom)
A word often used to describe a relationship without secrets, without adultery, without cheating in general. We say TRUST is earned but how much is it worth, what do I or we have to do to earn those vital TRUST bonga points??? It varies per relationship, there are conservative and liberal unions and they all have set parameters of what is acceptable and what is not. If you ask me it sounds like jail time. Trust is meant to be blind.
Never ever put your happiness in the control of someone else. By doing this you lessen your odds of long term happiness, brought about by the people you attract, the things you get involved in. Yes, its a great feeling when someone makes you feel wanted, needed, accepted for who you are….wow! what a feeling. However that feeling should be an added bonus to your already existing happy-self.
If you are happy with who you are, what you have then you are likelier to attract people who will relate to your social realm. In the other hand, if you are always seeking attention from others to fulfill your cavity of happiness then you may struggle to achieve true happiness. If you don’t love yourself how can you possible expect anyone to love you in equal measure.
I am a believer of positive thinking, even when all seems to work against you, if you do not believe that things will work out and work towards your goal you will undoubtedly fail. It is better to aim for 100% and only manage 80% through your efforts than to start any journey and doubt your ability.
Look within yourself and isolate the things in life that put a smile on your face, this action will gradually weed out the fake people around you till you are left with those who are truly your friends. It has worked for me over the years and today I can proudly say that I now know what really makes me happy and calms my soul. With this information I have been able to appreciate the little things in life. Unlike years ago when I went out of my way to please everyone, today I first make sure that I am happy and through this mind set I have accomplished a lot. Most importantly I have peace of mind.
If you ‘my readers’ and your friends and loved ones can adopt this way of thinking you will attract positive energy and the sky will not be the limit, you can go beyond and explore and venture into the things you have always wanted to do without having permission from anyone. A partnership should be cherished at all times but never ever let anyone stop you from pursuing your dreams.
Lets look at INSECURITY
Whenever you enter into a relationship you introduce an external influence to your life and well being. This is my take on the matter on a general note.
If you DO NOT trust your partner than its counter productive for you to stay in that relationship.
If your partner receives more text messages than you than clearly you need to step up your game and get more friends. Don’t bother your partner with your trivial insecurities that are baseless or caused by rumours from friends. In short what I am saying is, if you start thinking that your partner is cheating without hard proof then you are 1) going to create a negative atmosphere and your partner will sense it and avoid you. 2) you are about to accuse an innocent party and create a rift in your already almost perfect relationship. I have witnessed couples who have spoiled a good relationship out of the fear of losing the other and true to their negative thoughts being emitted they lost each other in the end, out of nothing but your mind playing tricks on you.
If your partner goes out with your blessings PLEASE refrain from calling them every 15 minutes, if defeats the purposes of them going out to bond with friends. Humans have brains in-case you forgot, your partner is not going to be stolen or sold unless that is their wish.
Now speaking of their wish, this is the part you can never control. You have to believe that your partner cares about you enough for them to NOT indulge in actions that may hurt you. Ladies and gentlemen what our partners choose to do when we are not with them is their prerogative. Many people will say that a watchful eye will deter someone from misbehaving, in short, you are attempting to spy on your partner for your lifetime, don’t you have self worth. If they make that choice to hurt you then they were never truly there to stay. Never beg and never ask to be ‘promised’ because for some ‘promises’ are there to be broken.
To the MEN, if you truly believe that your woman is fine, then don’t make a fuss if other men stare at her, it only confirms that you have a woman they desire if anything that should be an ego booster not the opposite. If you have a rose you will show it off unless you think its ugly. Like it or not those are that is a fact.
To the ladies, most of you are jealous as hell, if you believe your man is fine then show him off but don’t announce your orgasmic bedroom escapades to your girl friends.
If you think your man is nothing but a’ dog’, a womaniser (then why are you still with him???), whatever you profess to feel for a man it should be unconditional. If they let you down, that was their intent all along, at that point you have not failed but the man has. Men won’t accept it but when a man messes up a good thing it really hurts cause we know that a good compatible woman is hard to find. Another thing STOP going through your man’s phone, you will most of the time find what you want to find and from experience most of what you find is innocent. Don’t break up good relationship over text messages ‘on a serious note’.
Remember, find happiness within you before you ask it of another.
mauricetherapy 
I do not agree that what your partner does out there when you are not around is his prerogative. relationships are about two people; if he goes out there and does what he likes, its gonna affect you! so, whatever we do out there, we should remember that there is someone who would not be happy about it. that is a selfless stand!
Hi Vylz,
The point I was making is that whatever choices our ‘partners’ make when they are out there is out of our control. For example, if you forbid your partner from eating pizza at home they can then eat it elsewhere, that was their choice. Trust is blind, we can’t measure it and we should NEVER spend our lifetime begging our partner to behave in a certain way that pleases us, let them do it because they want to not because they have to.
Nice read there , now about TRUST and HONESTY i hav just ended an 8 month old relationship cz i feel along the way this person has not been honest and he just got into this whole relationship for his own diffrent reasons.
First it was a long distance thing he in mombasa and me in nairobi. he was open in the beggining but 4 / 5 months down the line he gave me reasons to doubt him like smtimes not picking the fon and it reached the point that he would be off (mteja) the whole wkend n stuff. This one incidence on new years eve n 1st jan morning made my trust totally broken, he was nt picking n when i used a diffrnt no. he picked n went off (mteja ) the whole day.
So now tell me is this person TRUE , HONEST ? really.. considering he is far still? to me this were warning signs that if we went to the next level , tell me how do trust such a person ? and yet they give u enough reasons not to.
Hi Joyce,
your instincts told you from the beginning, even when a man is playing Mr Nice Guy in the beginning women have very strong instincts and the main problem is that you ignore the warning signs because you want to be wrong about the guy, you HOPE things work out for the best and most of the time they don’t.
Now, I’m confused about something. Its said that relationships are about trust and forgiveness. But to me, once someone lies to me and I discover it, it will be very hard for me to trust him ever again thus the end of the relationship. I’m I wrong on this? Are there some lies that can be overlooked? I just broke up with a guy because he lied about basic things like who his mother is and even denied some of his aunties who I know personally. The truth finally came to light at a family meeting and it was very embarrassing to discover all this mpaka he dint even know how to defend himself.
I always tell myself thank God I found out about the lies before tying myself to him. Are there some lies that can be overlooked?
All I can say is that people are different with a variety of ways to resolve matters of the heart. Its a choice you make whether to stay in a relationship or leave however sometimes because ‘humans’ are not perfect and sometimes we make the wrong choices, its good to teach your partner how to become a better person rather than end the relationship. The pastures are not always greener so starting over with a new person eventually is not always the better option.