mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for the last 16 years and I don’t think I can take anymore verbal taunting from my husband. I am 43.

We have 4 daughters and as a mother I was blessed to have them without any complications. However with my husband he has never really been happy to have daughter after daughter. From when we met 19 years ago he always wanted to have 2 sons and maybe a daughter, having sons has been more important to him, it’s like he has an obsession. Our last born is now 5 years old and our eldest is 14. I am constantly reminded that I have failed him as a wife, especially when he comes home from the pub, because according to him I only produce girls and even his family have hinted that he should have married his ex girlfriend who they have kept tabs on and she has 3 sons. We come from different tribes with very conflicting views and I don’t think I can take anymore abuse from his cultural expectations. Can you help?

Maurice’s replies,

Are you aware that the general theory is that men determine the sex because men can donate either an X chromosome or Y chromosome, while females can only donate an X chromosome? In other words, in most cases it is the man that determines the sex of the baby. A study done in the UK also revealed that men who have more brothers are more likely to have sons and if they have more sisters they are likely to have daughters. However that theory does not apply to women.

She replies,

Maurice my man is a typical African man that explanation won’t fly with him. He has demanded that I see a medical specialist and I find ways of having boys otherwise he will seek a son with another woman. He said he has never cheated and that is why he has given me the opportunity to give birth to a boy. And I quote, he said he is willing to be patient with me but I must not produce anymore girls.

Maurice’s comments,

Your husband can embark on trying to have sons with multiple women and still fail. I can imagine it’s hurtful for you and it may be making you feel inadequate but please your biological make up is not in question. Again it’s not up to you whether you will give birth to a boy or girl. Your husband regardless of his believes must be made to muster the facts of reproduction. If he has insisted you see a specialist then you should go together so that he can receive the civic education he needs to understand how the sex of babies is determined.

She replies,

I did ask him to accompany me but he said that he has no problem and that it’s a female issue. I do not think you understand my husband is a very proud man and despite your advice which makes sense to me I will only probably end up being thrown out of my home if I bring up the part of us going to a clinic together. It’s not often but when he loses his cool he does hit me. I know you are asking why I stay in that environment but what choice do I have, I have invested many years into this marriage and it’s my duty as his wife to satisfy his wishes. We have lived by those rules for years it’s not something I can change.

Maurice asks,

Have you shared your dilemma with your family, for example your parents?

She replies,

Yes I have but it was thrown back in my face because my parents were against my marriage due to the tribe my husband comes from, they had warned me about unrealistic demands and uncouth mannerisms that I may experience if I chose to become his wife. It’s evident that they had a reason to be concerned but I loved him for who he was and I still love him but I do not feel as if I am in-love with him anymore. He has diminished my womanhood and I feel at fault even though I know I am not. How do I make him see that it’s not my biological fault and that it is a blessing to have children despite their sex?

Maurice’s replies,

My dear it’s very simple, your husband wants a son so you must convince him that he is the ulimate answer to having a healthy bouncing baby boy and that without him it will almost be impossible to conceive a boy hence why the two of you need to see the specialist together. You could explain your situation to the specialist and he can call your husband and explain the urgency of his presence. I do have a concern though, as you said your husband’s taunting has taken its toll on your womanhood and that can have serious effects to your well being especially if your choice is to have another baby. Take that into consideration and have a candid chat with your doctor and outline any effects your mental state may have on your pregnancy if you do go down that road. Consult with the specialist and please do keep me in the loop, I will assist where I can.