mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

Is it human nature to heed to temptation? I got married to a very sweet caring man 2 years ago. I am 26 and he is 30.

 We knew each for only 7 months; we met online and fell deeply in-love over those months just chatting and flirting everyday. Eventually we set a date and met for coffee. After 2 months we opted to get hitched because life is short and we both believed that time will make our bond stronger. He is the most romantic man I have ever met but 5 months ago by pure accident I attended a function and met this guy who just confused my World. We work together in the same building and thankfully not the same floor. Our departments are interlinked so we can’t avoid bumping into each other everyday. He is a divorcee and from what he told me, his wife cheated on him that’s the only reason for their parting. I love my husband but I can’t get my work colleague off my mind. I wish I could fault my husband to show justification but I can’t. It’s affecting my sex life, I feel guilty just kissing my husband and he did ask me if there was anything wrong. I did not know what to say I just put it down to being tired from work.

Maurice’s replies,

The answer to your question is, no it is not human nature to heed to temptation, it a choice we make. The same way its not human nature to kill or treat other people with disrespect, it’s our surroundings that expose us to certain behavior with a mix of mental state. I could spend our dialogue judging you but instead I will ask how old is this other man and what has he promised you and have you discussed where your fling is going? Lastly what is he giving you that your husband can’t?

She replies,

He is 44. He understands me or rather the night we met he overwhelmed me with how much he knew about my character, my interests, he even understood why I want to pursue certain interests that my husband just dismisses. I value and respect my husband’s opinion but what is a girl to do when a man has so much in common with her.

Maurice’s asks,

I am assuming he knows you are married to a younger man than him and I might be wrong on this one but has he touched on your age difference between you and your husband or has he shown a degree of maturity that appeals to you?

She replies,

Yes he knows I am married. He hasn’t spoken ill of my husband but I guess he has pointed out that there are things my husband will find hard to take because as a woman of my age I am mentally more mature than my husband who is only 3 years older, I did take offence to that comment when he first said it but when I think about it I have been told by close relatives in the past, that despite our love for each other my husband will not always comprehend my way of thinking nor will he agree to my ambitions.

Maurice’s says,

It’s not always easy to accept certain possibilities but I think that your marriage was born through cyber space. It was a married formed from a bond through a social media platform and words shared brought you together and things escalated from there. I do not think you are in-love but you both fell for each other through infatuation that masked itself as true love. The reasons for my conclusion are in the words you use to narrate your position with your husband and your fling partner. You attend a function and thereafter proceeded to have an affair with a much older more experienced man who probably has over the years learnt the female psyche and with that knowledge he was able to discredit your marriage and you let it happened. This older man has totally gotten you smitten and he has derailed your path and the only reason he is still in your life is because you allow it plus you at some point realized that you do not love your husband and that you see him more as a best friend, a confidant.

The reason why you can not kiss your husband is not really about guilt; its more about your attraction for him is not what it was before. I hope you can find it in you to accept the reality of your marital status and not prolong the inevitable.

Here’s a few tips, avoid office functions (if you can), avoid being confused by random people (isn’t it funny how even the most boring of personalities can be very attractive with a wine glass in you hand), avoid accidentally landing in a bed other than yours; I would rather go on a trip that ends well and ‘guilt trips’ don’t because they most of the time never leave you.