mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am 32 and have been dating a guy for 6 years. We met online as we lived in different cities but eventually met and had our first coffee date. We then decided over a period of 5 months that I would move to him because he had secured a top job so it only made sense for me to move and after all I eventually got another job. We lived together for 4 happy years then he was transferred to a country in Europe where he has been staying till now and will be there for the next 4 years or more. Due to our non existence marriage status we could not be together based on immigration rules and I have been hesitant to move abroad. I have a life in Kenya that I really don’t want to leave but at the same time he is the love of my life. We have discussed marriage and we both want it to happen soon than later.  The reason I write is to ask you if I should be open with him about something I did 7 months ago. I am sure you have worked it out, I cheated with one of his friends and even though it never went further than one night I feel I owe it to my man to just tell him the truth and hopefully he will forgive me and life will go on. I know I sound optimistic and that is because I personally would forgive him only because I know that people need some sort of companionship to fill a void. Being apart is not easy and for me I knew from the word go that it was going to be hard to stay faithful. I did not have an affair I just satisfied an urge on one occasion. What do you advise I do?

Maurice’s reply:

It’s ironic to some extent, as I read your mail I was delighted to see the word ‘happy’ but as I went on reading the waters became murky with your infidelity details. It’s unfortunate that these incidences occur and yes you do have a point. Humans do need some form of companionship when I loved one has traveled afar however it’s not a license to cheat. I believe for the last 2 years your relationships has been supported by cyber interaction and your once in a while telephone conversations but for you neither of those communication forms could really fill the void you speak of. I applaud you for lasting 2 years before you succumb to the sexual call of nature.

Everyone is entitled to their own decisions and actions. The down side is you must be prepared to take responsibility of the aftermath. What you need to ask yourself is can you really look at your man in the eye everyday and not feel guilty assuming he forgives you? Will your love and care for each other be as genuine and pure as it were in your 4 happy years? Considering your hesitation to move away do you really want to be with him or has time faded the bond you once had?

If you do tell him it will sting worse than a wasp, it will affect the core of his manhood and because I don’t know him I can’t predict how he will react or actions he may take that you or him may regret. Whether you have already concluded the possibility that he too has been unfaithful to justify your actions is neither here nor there once he knows he will hurt like hell because it’s most likely that he would never expect you to stray. It’s a male thing; many men believe that their women will always stay faithfully because it’s not in a woman’s nature to stray, how far from the truth can they be. The ball lies in your court, tell him and risk losing him or keep it as your little secret but know this, the truth has a way of showing its ugly face when you least expect it.