mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 5 happy years. We have had our ups and downs but the great times out weigh the bad by far. I am 32 and at the prime of my life as a wife and in my career. I do well for myself and I have a very loyal and loving 43 year old husband who was last year in October promoted and it meant he had to migrate to Zambia where he is awaiting for me to join him next year in March. Since he left we have been communicating every day.

Before he left we agreed that I would join him and before you ask, he did not force me to give up my life in Kenya. Our mutual agreement was based on finding a job that paid as well as the one I have here and lucky for me my skill set is very much in demand in Zambia so I received a very attractive offer which led to the final decision for me to join my husband. I am really trying hard to avoid the point of this mail but here goes. I had a moment of lust with a work colleague and it has been eating me up ever since.

It was exactly 5 years and 2 months of bliss. I have been very loyal and I should have known better because my last relationship was horrid for 2 years. I had an ex who constantly mentally abused me and cheated on me without fear. Life was good to me and gave me a second chance to love and this is how I repay my husband by cheating. I want to tell you it was the drinks at the company retreat but I knew what I was doing at the time and I still let it go as far as it went. It was not even a one night stand we had a 2 nights weekend fling and I am totally confused. I feel nothing for my workmate I’m so ashamed of my actions. I told my best friend and she asked me if it was worth it. Was she asking if it was worth throwing away my marriage or was she asking if the sex was great. If I’m honest the sex was awesome and I did not feel guilty or think of my husband till the weekend was over.

Maurice what is going on with me? I have or should I say, I had a sexual scandal free marriage and now look at what I have done! Will he forgive me, can I keep it from him and join him next year and pretend nothing happened. To make it worst we promised each other that if either of us felt lust for other people we would discuss it openly without judgment. We are a very logical and practical couple and we know that people have sexual urges but I broke that promise without a second thought. Maurice help me, what should I do?

Maurice’s replies:

My dear I will be utterly blunt with you, you are in a very awkward predicament. I know for a fact that you will have to tell your husband. I have read between the lines and you can not let it go nor I’m I advocating for you to keep it from him that’s up to you but from your mail I know that you are not the type of woman who can sweep this under the carpet and let life continue. Why you lost your ability to control your sexual lust, urge, only your body at the time can give us a black box reconstruction of emotions that led to you sharing a bed with a man who is not your husband. Human is error however that would be like saying that it’s fine for people to respond to their instinct to mate with other people, it’s not right but it happens and it can happen to the best of us.

In your case I recommend that you share with you husband and if you are as practical as you say you are then it for sure won’t be logical to him that you slept with someone else but your honesty should count for something. Does this mean he should forgive you or he will find it in his heart to forgive after a period of time? Only his reaction and state of mind and his dedication to you will determine the eventuality of your marriage. There are no quick fixes to this situations.

I know you want me to feed you with the words that may sooth the process of telling him but I need those words to come from your sincere feelings. If your husband is a good listener despite the unfortunate circumstances he will at least hear you out then the rest only time will tell.