mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I need your help. I attended one of your sessions during my girlfriend’s bridal shower and I regret not asking you questions but at the same time I did not want to disclose my issues to my friends.

I was married for 11 years to a very abusive man, however the first 2 years were ok. He never hit me but he verbally put me down for so long that I began to believe that there was something wrong with me. He would take me out only to embarrass me in-front of friends and strangers in social places. He was so nice when it came to the build up to any night but after a while I realised it was just bait for me to suffer later. He constantly told me off in public telling me how un-sexy I was, how I had added too much fat yet I was only a size 12 at 37 years. I know I am beautiful but he had such power over me especially mentally that I was sure I was the problem. That I did not live up to his expectations. It’s like I was the ugliest woman around him.

Anyway after 9 years of this treatment I got the courage to leave him and for a good 3 years I was unable to engage with any man until early last year. I am a single mother with 2 children that are my life. Lucky for me I work and I don’t rely on him. He does his part for his kids and he sees them cause I believe they need to bond with their father despite his torture over the years. My children love their father so I chose not to keep them away from him because that would be punishing them not him. But as for me he is history emotionally.

Last year in March I met this guy who somehow reminded me that I am still an attractive woman. He was such a gentleman yet he is 4 years my junior. Maurice I fell in-love with this guy and I must admit that even my ex was never that loving while trying to pursue me. This guy swept me off my feet completely. My friends were a bit iffy about me dating a younger guy but they also told me that life is too short and you will never know till you try something out. With this new guy in my life it was one treat after another for 10 months, compared to my ex this kind of treatment was out of this World. He literally pulled chairs and the wax as seen on romance movies but something changed when we went to the AG’s and got married. I did not want a flashy wedding because it would remind me of my first marriage which was supposed to be for life, till death do us part.

I know you are thinking she did what after how long. Yes it seems I made another error in judgment. How can a man change so drastically until you don’t even recognise him. We both work but he seems reluctant to share in the bills and do his part and yet he lives in my apartment. When we got married he left his place and moved in with me which at the time I thought was the making of a happy marriage full of bliss, shock on me. I had no idea that he was such a drinker and he flirts around even in my face. Maurice this guy was not acting in this manner for months how can one hide their true character for so long. When courting me he spared no cost to please me and pamper me. He made me feel young and hot again, we went out and danced like mad, the way he held me in public and showed me off to his boys who if I may add have tried hitting on me a couple of times but I have declined their advances. For the last 5 months he has hardly shown me any attention as he did before.

I feel like I have 3 kids in the house. I need a man. He goes out without me and comes home smelling like buzz and sometimes I can smell perfumes on his clothes that I don’t wear. What is going on? What have I gotten myself into? Does he really love me?

Maurice’s reply:

My dear I feel for you especially regarding the verbal abusive that is very damaging to a woman’s self esteem. No woman should go through that. As much as I sympathise with your current situation I must say in my opinion that despite the fact that it’s not always about the time you take to know someone, I believe you rushed into this relationship to fill a void that you had for 3 years.

Humans needs some form of companionship and I guess for you after 3 years of keeping off men you met what I can only describe as a cougar predator. These are men who seek or have a fetish for older sexy women. Your appeal to them is more powerful that any 18 to 24 year old if you get my drift. Why? Because at your age your body is well defined, you are the true definition of a beautiful woman and that turns on their charm and the more street wise they are the more socially equipt they are to sweep you off your feet. I am not saying that younger men can’t sustain a relationship with older women ‘not at all’, all I’m saying is that in your case the probability is, he met you and as a visually enticed man you stimulated his primal instincts and the thought of having you as his woman was equally as mind blowing unfortunately this is usually a mental rush of chemicals of lust in men that are short lived.

The other unfortunate thing is that despite the negative outcome this guy actually finds you hot otherwise he wouldn’t be in your life at all. I believe you hit the nail on the head when you referenced that he was not ‘acting’ in this manner before. The primary here is that he has been ‘acting’ a role in which he feels great to have you, the older sexy hot woman in his arms, it’s a mental stimulus but like I said it is rarely the making of a long term relationship unless you try and change his mind set. You asked if he loves you, well I can tell you that he loves his heightened ego levels, he loves his environment (the relationship setting) but he hasn’t bloomed to be the man you wanted or thought he was. I do not know him to make an accurate profile of his character but one thing is clear, that you have been through the thick and your newest love might be beginning to experience life even in his 30’s.

I am sure a part of you knew that this was trial and error, it’s in us as humans to seek a mate maybe you need to re-think your path and concentrate on your children and enjoy life, take each day has it comes. The answer may not be to dump him but have a heart to heart with him, see how he reacts, and bring out the good in him and try and steer him to understanding your needs and for you to acknowledge that as a younger man he will need time to adjust to a bit of crash course growing up.

If he stays and in time you notice some effort in his behaviour then you are on the right path. If he leaves then you have saved yourself years of efforts that bear no fruit.

– Maurice