mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

  I need your help urgently. My husband has packed up and left to his parent’s home. How it got to this point is anyone’s guess, it was all very innocent but now I’ve been left alone, we have only been married for 2 years.

Maurice comments,

Start from the beginning and don’t sugar coat any detail, it might be the difference between harmony and silent treatment or worse divorce.

She replies,

Well, over the Christmas season we all went to Mombasa.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by ‘all went to Mombasa’?

She replies,

For the last 4 years we have been going to Mombasa with our friends, they are all dating or married. We were a group of 8 couples. We have never had any issue while on holiday; our friends have had their usual couple misunderstandings but never to cause someone to move out, in-fact my husband and I have always been the referees when it comes to our friends. We have maintained a solid union till now. He is not taking my calls I have only managed to talk to his mum and she has tried to get him to talk to me but he is adamant to punish me. He knows I hate this silent treatment and its killing me. I love him and what happen can’t be our end.

Maurice comments,

Was it that bad because despite our dialogue you haven’t told me what caused your rift?

She replies,

Sorry, I was building up to it, you know us women, anyway on Christmas eve we held a small party at our apartment of about 20 people approximately. We bumped into people we knew and we decided to host a bash instead of going out.

Maurice asks,

Just out of interest how old are you and your husband?

She replies,

I am 26 and he is 32. Why do you ask?

Maurice says,

I’m just profiling you as you tell your side of the story, so please continue.

She says,

We drove to the nearest supermarket to buy our party supplies and as we were shopping we bumped into a guy I once had a fling with back in secondary school so I hadn’t seen him in ages. I introduced him to my husband and they also had a chat as men do and off we went. We shopped, and in the car my husband asked how I knew the guy and I told him and he was fine with it as it was not the first time for my hubby to meet an ex of mine, gosh I even find it odd calling him an ex cause we hardly dated. We only met like 4 to 5 times in our last years of secondary school. I had a major crash on him but we lost touch and that was that.

So, we drove back to the apartment and set up for the great evening to come and surprise, at around 11pm my ex pops through the door with mutual friends that we had invited. He was as surprised to see me as I was. Now, this is where things just went south. He walked over and pecked me on the cheek but he also slapped my ass ‘suggestively’. I then said to him “watch out I’m now a married woman”. Little did I know my husband and 2 of his friends saw the entire incident and had words with the guy, so I found out once my husband and his friends left after about 30 minutes. They said they were going for more drinks but I could tell by a glance I received from my hubby that something was wrong but I let it pass.

Maurice, my husband returned at around 4am and I could tell he was under the influence which was not like him at all. He yelled about how I embarrassed him and how could I dare invite my ex and to add salt to injury allow my ex to touch me. My mother had once told me if a man every got drunk and started to complain about something I would only make it worse by trying to defend myself so I took the verbal yelling and the insults. All the time I was calling him ‘baby’ as I always do and trying my best to stay humble and convince him that I had not invited the man in question. I told him to check my phone if he didn’t believe me and I reminded him that we vowed never to doubt each other but for some reason that night he was not willing to hear me out.

Maurice comments,

The fact that you kept your cool was a wise thing to do; I guess your mother knows how to handle a man’s mood swings.

She replies,

I guess so but my husband still packed a few of his things and left. He booked into another Hotel, slept and got a flight back to Nairobi the next morning. He switched off his phone and text me on his way back telling me how disappointed he was and that I had ruined a good thing, that he would never betray me and that his vows to me were real and that he needs to think about our future. What happen in regards to the guy touching me was out of my control. How was I to know he would behave in that manner after he had earlier met my husband?

Maurice replies,

This is my opinion on the matter. I can see why your husband may have gotten annoyed but considering how you describe your bond he should have backed you up and stood hand and hand to make it very clear that you are taken woman and you have a man by your side. If you have a pact as a couple then you should follow it to the ‘T’, otherwise what’s the relevance of the pact. I believe that’s why you vow to be there for each other through thick and thin. True, it was out of your control. If you ask me, I believe it was your husband’s friends that fueled the fire. I believe if they hadn’t left the party things would not have escalated to your current predicament. I am assuming that you and your mother-in-law are in good terms?

She replies,

Yes I explained the whole story to her and she too thinks that her son jumped the gun. She has told me that he is not going anywhere and that I give him time to cool off, she even brought humour into our dialogue by saying that she was awaiting grandchildren so her son needs to move back home immediately. Imagine I spent New Year’s alone at home, my friends tried to get me to go out but I’m in low moods and I miss my baby. How do I get him back?

Maurice replies,

Tell your mother-in-law to tell him if he won’t talk to you he should at least read your text messages. In them make sure to remind him of your pact, you may have done that already but do it repeatedly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you wish to be in his arms, basically baby him as if he were a little boy, play with his ego and uplift him. Lastly, tell him ‘you belong to only one man and when he is ready his wife will be waiting for him so you can make loads of babies’. Those words would have many men running home. The idea is to sooth him and make him feel like your King, your everything. At that point, a man who wants to go home will go home. Later, once he’s been home for about a month, yes a month. Never uplift your man then put him down you might create a rift that can’t be reversed. After the 4 weeks you can ‘calmly’ tell him how you feel about how he reacted. It’s not a set formula, take what I have advised and apply it based on your man’s character, only you know how best to apply the above.