With great pleasure for once in many years I asked a bride to be to list 3 things she expects from her groom once he becomes her hubby, and she replied….
1) she would like him to find her attractive always and to continue satisfying her in the bedroom
2) be her best friend
3) provide for her though she will also contribute financially, their marriage is just an extension of their union
I totally applaud her for being the ideal example of a true woman.
Now sadly and I mean SADLY…. the first thing I normally hear is that they expect the man to provide, why, because its a man’s place to provide for his woman. That is absolute bollocks, thereafter I assert my wisdom and educate ‘the poor girl’ so that she can be proud to still be married 10 years from now.
For every bridal shower I attend it is my mission to provide enough facts that can sustain a healthy mutual marriage. I am never pleased to hear of break ups but most who do break up only did so because they did not apply the same efforts and enthusiasm in their relationship as they do their jobs/careers.
Any caring man will give back to his woman. Everyone has a role to play. This is to the MEN out there. If you truly care about your woman then, for her efforts that benefit you it is paramount that you show her that you appreciate her. There’s no formula or gift that says I care or I love more than the another. People who think otherwise are just materialistic and should probably face a firing squad. Its the thought that counts, if you don’t believe in the sentiment then ‘good luck’ with finding sincere people in your life.
Just to give an example, I’m not big on my own birthday and neither do I expect a gift(s) but if someone gave me a hand made birthday card opposed to them going to purchase an expensive card with a shit midi file ‘battery powered’ melody which I will eventually bin after a few days. I would appreciate their effort of going through the trouble of making the card themselves, and it actually tells me how much I mean to them. And I would keep the card the same way I keep unique wedding cards.
mauricetherapy 
You pple really have alot of wisdom, Maurice you inspire me, somethings you say I dont necessarily agree with them but well, I do agree with most of the things and surely I find what you say very wise……. every time I read your story and I gather so much wisdom…… mmmmmh!
Viv i am of the opinion that the role of gender has changed with time. With a successful career, does the woman “need” a provider? i guess not, companionship take precedence over needing a provider (she may want one but it is no longer a need and this is what women need to realize), and this is where i say women of the 21st century trip … i have a friend, very successful in her field, combined income might rival an MPs, but she says she cannot respect a man she if she makes more than him … he needs to be a provider, just like her father was … see the disconnect? she does not need a man to provide for her, her income alone is the combined income in many other families, yet that is what she is primarily looking for, so all the hardworking potential mates that make less than her are out, her catchment is narrowed down to the few high earning individuals she might encounter, meanwhile the clock ticks on
Thank you for your reply to Viv. It’s not her fault, she is only highlighting the truths of today.
However the emphasis on finance has over taken the reason why two people should be together. As for your friend ‘I reserve my comments’ I’m not God but I know the probabilities of how her life will unfold if finance remains a dominant element in finding the ultimate mate. The variables are so many its pointless to try and list them though sustainable ‘happiness’ will not be found through her way of filtering men.
And in my book any woman who compares her father’s era with current times is very naive. Another thing I tell my educated wealthy clients that the reason why they are terrible at maintaining relationships is because their profession did not have a module that taught them about gender interaction. It’s funny but I never went to the top national schools yet many who have seem to have the impression that they are brighter than I am in general! And many believe that a loving relationship can only be between two people of the same intellectual caliber ‘what bollocks’ The answer is simple, you can only be good or great at what you do in your profession dependent on your passion to learn more everyday.
Yes I agree with you on that. There are no rules governing how a man provides and its not that he ‘must’ provide rather he should provide. If for some genuine reason he is unable to we will understand and support him.
Yes I have heard of those women who live in posh estates and are still miserable. I cant judge unless I find out their reason for unhappiness. Of-course people should always decide on the kind of spouse they want before settling down and not just commit to them because of the amount of money they have. A man may not be very rich, but he may still provide for me the security I need(which is what most women want). Likewise a millionaire can become a woman’s biggest headache coz of-course some of them have issues. Lets just say it boils down to choosing wisely depending on what you need to make you happy.
hmmm…the oxford dictionary may not define a man as a ‘provider’ but when it comes down to women having to take care of men because of gender equality n sh*t that’s unacceptable. you do know there is a new bred of men who believe they can just sit back,relax and let women take care of them right?that’s a risk am not willing to take.well, let us support each other financially, but still let him be the sole provider.
Every man has a choice on how he will provide for his wife / family, however what we a lacking are compatible couples, compatibility does not come with time, there’s too much emphasis on security. First get a guy who actually gives a shit about you (excuse my French). In regards to free loaders they have been there for centuries, its like sex (prostitution) it is the oldest form of work/trade and its not going anywhere, its here to stay they may as well legalise it and have more of us pay tax.
Again, it is not a man’s place to provide, it is a choice he makes when he decides to start a family. You cannot buy a pet and not feed it nor buy a car and expect it to run on air. For every decision a man or woman makes always know the responsibilities that come with that choice. In that respect then a man should provide, the word ‘must’ does not apply at anytime. And please when it come to equality ‘women’ won the war a long time ago, we as men only get to win a few battles if we are lucky. We may call ourselves the head of the house and a clever woman will gladly give us that title and even make us feel like we are Kings but the reality is she still runs the home, she is the silent Queen with all the power. Now women who understand how to play with our minds are always winners. The losers are those whose come with ‘manly’ characteristics, a man will treat that woman just the way he would treat his fellow male friend, he will go on the defensive and when some of us put up that wall you have lost that fight and it doesn’t matter what tactic you use.
Here’s a tip, women call men dogs so train us like you would a dog, for every good deed give us a bone, a treat and don’t expect results instantly but in time you will witness a new breed of man developing.
Please enlighten me on this if am wrong. I believe the man should be the provider(ofcourse I’ll help him from time to time coz I plan to always have a job) but he alone should be the sole provider. Pay the bills etc and I will be the home administrator..cooking cleaning,pampering him etc. That is what I see my uncles do and I love how they treat their wives so I would also like to have a husband like that one day. A traditional relationship.
Traditional husbands are not as common as they were during our parents era. Just because a man provides does not mean he is caring or loving, he may do it because his pockets allow. Ask the miserable women who live in lavish areas if all of them are happy, you will find ‘not’ yet they have plenty of wealth. Again it is not our job description to provide however we do not mind doing it. Societal trends are changing and whether we like it or not we must adapt. Does a woman belong in the kitchen? The answer is ‘no’ and yet in some cultures today women can not sit in the same room as men. Does that mean you are the inferior gender? I say no, other men will say yes.
Another thing, a lot men may read your message and take it out of context, are you hooking up with a man so that he can copy what your uncles do or are you hooking up with a man to set your own mutual parameter of who should do what. Personally I would rather be single for the rest of my life than get hitched to a woman who believes its my duty as a man to pay bills. Check the oxford dictionary, it does not list down the expected duties of a man for obvious reasons. Anything to do with households is between those who live in them.