mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I never thought in a million years that I would be asking for help from an outsider but I have been made to choose between my marriage and my career. I have been married for 5 years, no kids, just my husband and I and our beloved poodle.

We have known each other for approximately 11 years. From the beginning we both had career ambitions, until last year in November we had supported each other in everything. We have disclosed everything and I mean everything to each other over the years, we know about each other’s salaries, bonuses, individual investments, you name it we have shared. I would like to say that unlike many of my married peers communication and sharing of information has never been an issue in our marriage. However, when I eventually received the promotion I have worked so hard for my husband suddenly changed. I don’t even know how to explain what might have happened to him but he is no longer receptive, he is very moody and suspicious of me with other men now that my new job title requires me to travel on business and attend company functions.

A week ago he came home at around midnight after a few drinks and he uttered these words “honey I love you but if you don’t leave your job our marriage is over”. In response I asked him where all this was coming from, he said that I had changed as his wife and if we are going to end up breaking up which he can foresee we might as well do it now. I don’t read minds but what I could make of it is that he is threatened by my career progression, is that the case?

Maurice replies,

Let’s back track a little, so can I confirm that what you are saying is until you received your promotion, last year, your husband had not shown any signs of wanting you to leave your job? As I think about it, it would also be counter productive for him to support you for all those years then change his mind once you achieved your goal. Which leads me to my next question where I need to put you on the spot and ask if you believe that you have changed as a person since your promotion, for example, has your confidence level changed in general, are you the wife you were at home before the promotion?

She replies,

My husband was the one who pushed me to attain my goals and always reassured me about my ambitions whenever I felt they would never come true. So no he never once hinted that my work was affecting our marriage. My husband is his own boss with a very successful business and I would like to believe that he recalls when I was the one pushing him to achieve his dream of running his own business. And yes I believe I am a much more confident woman now that I have been given my own department to run at work. I always knew I was ready to take on my current responsibilities at work and it feels great to apply my skills every day and earn respect from my colleagues. I’m I the same wife to my husband; well to be honest a few things did change. I come home later than before but not everyday, if I’m not working late in the office I am at a client’s function networking. As I said I travel at least twice a month.

Maurice comments,

So your quality time has decreased and more often your husband is either waiting up for you or asleep when you get home? Can I assume that your husband is the type of man who has always made time for you above all? Can I also assume that you still share information as you did before, meaning you will come home and share at length about your days at work, your new responsibilities and your experiences in your travels and at company functions? Would that be correct?

She replies,

Yes Maurice, that is correct. By any chance are you implying that my husband feels neglected or that my new post has changed me as a wife? If I may, my husband was well aware of the commitment my work would demand from me if I received the promotion. I love my husband for his support and without him I would not have had the determination to work hard. So it just does not make any sense that he would make me choose between him and my job that I equally love.

Maurice’s replies,

In my opinion I believe your husband is threatened by your new career path, it has changed your life style or should I say relationship routine. Do I think you should quit your job, not at all. Despite what most of society thinks, sacrifice has never been a long term solution to avoid a rift nor has it been a path to happiness, it only eventually leads to resentment. What you need to do my dear is pick a weekend, go for a getaway if you can, and rekindle the moments shared when you promised to support each other over the years. Your husband is feeling left out, it may not make any sense to you but like many things about us men we feel threatened when your lifestyle takes a sudden change for the better even though we knew it would. I am very sure your husband knows you are not involved with other men; all he needs is your attention. He wants to know he is still everything to you. Everyman has a little boy inside him who just needs to be reassured that he is your protector, your King, your source of happiness. Our egos come in many forms and believe it or not we are simple beings, just overwhelm him with manly praise by telling him that if it wasn’t for him you would not have achieved your promotion and also tell him that taking your passion away from you will only make you sad and miserable. If you get my drift I want you to periodically use your feminine side to praise and seduce your husband, we men are suckers for uplifting words from a woman we care and love. It’s actually a form of manipulation which yields positive results and keeps your relationship healthy.