mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

When I was 21 I left home because of a man and I never wanted my parents to know him or meet him. Why, because no one is good enough for my parents. It’s just the way they are. That was 8 years ago. I keep in-touch with mum but Dad disowned me completely. For years, mum tried to get me back home to visit but I always declined until she got used to us communicating via phone or sometimes email. My parents are well to do people and so the man I fell for, who is 7 years my senior, would have never met their approval for many reasons of which I am fearful to tell you as I write this letter to you. Maurice my man is sweet and very caring just the way you normally describe the caring factor in your articles. We have 3 kids and we love them to bits.

We are comfortable but I’m not at all living the luxury live I had at home. Thankfully mum made sure I finished my studies and I eventually became independent. We both work and we give our children the most attention that we can. If anything weekends are just for family. My man has he’s boys but they are on the back burner that’s how considerate he is. I normally force him to take a break from us to spend time with his peers and do their thing. I think I have managed to create a balanced live where no one feels trapped by the other. Maurice my man is my first love and he is the only man I have ever dated. Due to the family rift we moved away and we live in a different town from our parents. According to his parents he has a come we stay woman and yet we are married. This is so because we are related by blood. Maurice I fell for my cousin big time, we used to just joke about flirting and only if we were not related we would date but then one night we were out of town and shared the same room, we had done so many times, but this particular night we shared a lot of heart to heart and realized we had so much in common and we kissed. That was it, we chose to move away and the rest is history. I need you to tell me how to connect with my family because I miss them, I want my kids to know their grand parents and other family members but I know their reaction will be very negative; neither will anyone in the extended family support our actions. I personally don’t feel ashamed; we have lived a life of nothing but love and happiness. We have taken care of our downs together which has really helped us stay so close. I think I read somewhere that you don’t advocate for people to share their problems with friends or third parties, well I have never so your theory has some merit. Who do I approach first, how do I begin to explain that I am married to my cousin?

Maurice’s reply:

Only if it wasn’t for your relation dilemma you would be the nearest to the perfect couple. From your letter it seems you have shut yourself off from your families for a long time. I understand your need to acquire lost time with your family. However you must be prepared to be rejected and as per African traditions you have broken quite a few and your situation is not rare but it’s not always easy for cultured families to accept your incest practice. Despite your near perfect life with your man your family will most likely only see it in the light of what was initially committed which was incest. There’s no easy fix here. You need to meet you mum, if indeed you are sure you want to go ahead with this, there’s no turning back once you embark on this journey. Let your mum’s judgment dictate the path, 8 years is a long time and the family social dynamics have for sure changed and only your mum is your inside source. Involving other family members unless your mum advises so will be futile.

This is what I suggest. Travel back to your home town and book into a hotel and from there you can start a 2 day talk with your mum. The first day will be your testimony and it will give your mum amble time to absorb the news. By the second day I’m sure she’ll have thought it through and she will advise you further. Remember to give her details of how it all happen, show her pictures of her grand children and let her see it in your eyes that life has been good to you. That you have a loving happy family unit and even though it’s not the conventional family unit ‘society would expect’ you would have it no other way. If you are not convinced and I know you are then you can’t convince anyone else. Another thing, if you are a religious person you may also, in cahoots with your mum, seek guidance from a pastor or priest. Many families always have a link with their local church pastors or priests so that is an avenue to consider to have a man of the clothe aid in bringing harmony between you and your family. I wish you a peaceful transition if you chose to engage your family and if you would please keep me in the loop. I hope my opinion leads you to a fruitful path.